The Giving Rose(BoyxBoy)

Responsibility-Trent

Trent in the MM

I almost blew it.

A part of me wanted to call Michal and tell him that the deal was off, that there was no way I could be in the same room let alone house with Tavion, and not want to touch him, or kiss him, or fuck him. But like Michal said, I have to, not for me but for Tavion, he's been through enough.

I avoided Tavion like the flu after that day, I only went out when I heard his door open and close. It was honestly one of the most childish things I've ever done, something the old Trent would never do, but like Tavion said he's changed and so have I, so I'm doing what's necessary.

I met Michal in his car that following week, he wanted an update on Tavion, but I couldn't give him one,because I hadn't seen him since that night on the couch.

'What do you mean you haven't seen him, you live in the same house." Michal said looking at me confused.

"I mean I haven't seen him, I'm trying to avoid him." I said looking at the rearview mirror.

"Man you sure he won't notice your car?"

"No he's in class, back to the question, why are you avoiding him?"

"Because, we almost had sex last time we talked."

"Almost?" He said leaning back against his seat.

"Yeah I stopped it before it went anywhere." I said frustrated.

"I expected that." Michal said looking directly at me.

I looked back at him annoyed, "What you mean you expected that? In that case why am I doing this?" I asked him sitting up.

"Look, you both are young, and just experienced an ordeal that is going to have its effects long after this year is over with, so obviously seeing each other for the first time in months would reignite some repressed feelings, I'm actually impressed that you stopped it, that shows that you want to do this for Tavion, that shows your love for him more than the sex."

I looked out the window, I just felt like I was lying to him. But that's what we did to each other, we lied and lied until it ended in tragedy. But I guess we haven't learned because I'm lying to him once again.

"How are you though?" He asked me.

I swung my head around to look at him, "Why you asking me that?"

"It seems like nobody has asked you that, so I'm asking."

I spoke quickly, "Yeah I'm aight."

"Are you sure?" He asked again.

This time I thought about it, for a second, maybe even two. That's how it always is, it's so weird. We're quick to respond "I'm okay!" when asked how are you, and we feel confident in our answer. But as soon as the next question, "are you sure?" is asked, we hesitate, then in turn we ask ourselves the same question.

Am I sure?

I turned to him, "yeah man."

"No you're not." He said to me.

I smirk, "So now you're a shrink?" I asked him.

"No I am not, I am a lawyer, but we read people, and you have some problems you aren't talking about." He told me.

"Man I'm good." I told him trying to change the subject.

He sighed at me.

"You know as men, especially black men, we are taught to internalize our feelings and don't let them show at all, even though we can hide them to the best of our ability but somehow someway they always show."