I can't love you too deep

Through ashes

It's been a few months since Rick's group has won the fight against the Saviors. Negan himself was killed with Lucille. Carl was a little angry, that his father didn't try to find a way around this, but if he hadn't killed him, Maggie probably would have. And if she wouldn't then definitely someone else. Carl had accepted that there had been no way to keep him alive. But at least he had managed to convince Rick that the war is over now. There was no reason to fight the others. With Simon at power there were a few from the saviors, that had still been fighting against them. But they had won. And a big group of people that had lived in the Sanctuary are now staying at Hilltop. Or at the Kingdom. And soon in Alexandria. Everyone is helping to rebuild the home from so many of them. They weren't ready to give up on the place that Diana had created. Carl had spent the last two weeks in Alexandria - or what was left of it - and helped to secure the wall. Since he was still recovering from his damaged leg and some internal injuries, that were caused from the Explosions, Rick watched every step from his son. Almost every ten minutes, he reminded him to take break or ask him to help the people that were looking for useful stuff inside the houses. (They barely had found anything by now). Carl was really annoyed by that. All he wanted to do was help. But Rick was not entirely wrong. Sometimes the pain got too much and Daryl had to take over. It really bothers Carl. He hated it to be weak, especially  when his Group needed him this much.

,,Carl." Rick approached his Son, taking a closer look at him. He was so thankful that the war was over. And that Carl's condition improved. When Negan had attacked Alexandria it really seemed like they would lose him. Only the thought of losing his child nearly killed Rick. Even though the war has claimed his victims, they were still here. His family was still alive. ,,They are here. Get your stuff." Carl sighed. The groups that were responsible for Alexandria changed every two weeks. Then other people took over and brought along new materials such as wood or food. ,,Can I stay here a little longer, Dad?" Carl asked. The time in Alexandria had been a great change and most of all a good distraction. Rick, who had already brought all his belongings and was visibly pleased to return to Hilltop, turned around with a confused look on his face. ,,What? Why?" It really had to sound like a weird wish, since everyone had been yearning since the first week to go Home. The work in Alexandria was exhausting and the burning sun made it even worse. Carl shrugged at the question, there was probably no reasonable answer he could give that would explain his behavior. ,,Carl, we all need to rest. You, too. There is no need for you to revise you. The others can handle it."Rick reminded him, knowing his Son. He always puts others above himself. Carl still didn't look excited. Rick sighed. ,,What about Judy? Don't you miss her? Or Michonne. I bet she can't wait to see you." Of course, he missed them. But he still wasn't thrilled to go there. Carl really wanted to see his sister again. Weeks feels like years, especially in her age. Normally, Carl would not hesitate for a second. But there was someone waiting in Hilltop who he really didn't wanna meet. He was angry at himself for acting this childish. So it came, as it had to come and Carl went with his father, Rosita, Daryl and a few others to Hilltop.

From the back seat Carl looked out the window. Rosita sat next to him, his father was driving. It was a silent drive. Everyone was exhausted. Carl turned his head and watched Rick through the rear view mirror.  His eyebrows were contracted and it seemed like he still had not come to rest. The war was still inside him. This was no surprise. It was in all of them. Probably forever. They had all lost a lot of things. But Rick had caught the most. Morgan's death had taken something from him. He's been a friend for so long and his Dad had never forgotten what he owed him. What they all owned him. It was very hard for Rick to deal with this, but Carl was sure, that he would come back from this. He always did. Even though Morgan had a great impact on him, Rick will survive this. Like everyone else he had lost a lot of people. People that were important to him. Who had given him Strength, Hope and a Lead in the right direction. Rick had lost it, after Lori had died. Of course, she had been his wife for years. She was the mother of their Children. She had been one of the reasons why Rick had lasted so long.  Then there was Hershel. One of the biggest loss for all of them. In this cruel world he had shown them all what true heroes are made of. He hadn't been the best fighter, because he had fought his own war. The war to keep the humanity. To create something that was worth fighting for. Something from Hershel was inside them all. Rick had looked up at him, his opinion had always been important to him. But he made it without him as well. They lost Glenn. Rick's right hand. One of his closest friends. Someone he had always trusted. Even though Rick had survived this, too, he still hasn't recovered from this. And Carl thought that it was the same thing with Morgan. He will come back from this. Because he still has his family. As long as they were all together, nothing could destroy them.

They arrived a few hours later at Hilltop. Carl was getting nervous, he didn't even know why. Of course, he knew the main reason. But he wasn't exactly sure what he was expecting. Carl was sure, that he didn't want to see her. It would be embarrassing. But a part inside of his heart longed to see her face. "I just want to make sure that she is okay." He told himself. It was obviously a lie. There was no reason why she shouldn't be fine. And he wasn't really worried. Carl was annoyed from his feelings. From the beginning there have been these confusing feelings when it came to her. He had never really know what to do or think about them. They were friends, but it had always been different from the friendship between him and Michonne or even him and Ron. There had always been something more. Something he couldn't put into words. Than they started this  complicated thing because  suddenly there had been the need for closeness, affection and contact. And he had kissed her. From one moment to another he had realized that he wanted to kiss her. Than he had wanted to kiss her again. But before they could start something real, or could even decide what it was, that they wanted, everything had changed again. Because Enid had told Carl that she didn't want to have a relationship. She didn't explain it or anything. And Carl was really embarrassed about the whole situation, probably because he still didn't know what his feelings meant. Was he disappointed because he has wanted Enid to be his girlfriend? He really had no idea. But it really bothered him, that it wasn't his decision. Enid had simply confronted him with accomplished facts, his opinion wasn't asked. Carl hated it when he didn't have the control. Of course, he would never force Enid , or anyone, into something she didn't want. But having nothing to say in his own life was a huge burden on him. And having no explanation was even worse. They hadn't talked since then. And at the best possible option, Carl had fled to Alexandria. Their relationship has never been easy but now it was just a disaster. Are they still friends? Did Enid want to be kissed, touched or addressed but didn't wanna call it a relationship? Were these things that Carl wanted to do? Geez, Carl had never thought, that he would have to deal with this kind of problems. He had survived a lot of difficult situations. Compared to his life before this was ridiculous. But it felt so much more complicated.Seen from his present state, Carl was almost glad not to spend his youth in the old world. Were these the only thoughts that guys of his age had made back then?Whether he might or might not be in love with a girl. And if said girl had broken his heart or not. Carl shook his head over himself.If anyone knew that there were more important things to think about, then it was him.

With a sign he got out of the Car. Daryl handed Rosita a water bottle and started to get inside. Carl followed his Dad, who walked straight through the gate. They were all so glad to be Home again. Michonne was waiting inside, with a big smile on her face. "Maybe it's good to be back after all." Carl thought. All this time, he had distracted himself with hard work, forgetting all the things he would miss. Seeing his best friend made him feel better anyways. Rick reached her first and kissed her long and deeply. Although Carl was a true proponent of their relationship, those were the things that left him embarrassed.Probably another annoying sign that he was a teenager. Carl turned around and scanned the surrounding area.Hilltop had gotten bigger. More room for more people. Here and there were some construction projects to see. Probably the approaches of implementing Georgie's plans. Carl really liked this. So many people, living together. And he really meant living. Not just fighting and surviving together.

Michonne pulled him into a tight hug. For a few seconds he just enjoyed their closeness. The world wasn't dead. Not as long as they were there. His family. His group. ,,How are you?" Michonne asked as they pulled apart.He smiled at her. She was happy. He liked that so much more than her worried eye, which he had seen far too long. ,,I'm fine." And it was true. He would get along with his inner confusion and learn to enjoy life here.

~

So a new story :D It's just something I wanted to try. Although I have lots of ideas, I do not know how far I will lead the story. Because it's strange when the two are not together :D Even if it does not look like that, this is a CarlxEnid story, by the way :D I thought it would be interesting to discover Carl's first real heartbreak and lovestory disaster. Because that's also something that Carl will miss. RIP (still angry) Let me know if you're interested in this. A few chapters will surely com. Then we will see where that lead. I just wanted to have something to write next to my main story (How am I supposed  to live with that). :)