I can't love you too deep

Maybe

It was the third time in four days that Carl watched Enid leaving the infirmary. He wasn't proud of himself for noticing ever step that she took. Obviously he shouldn't be that interested but Carl was. It was a mystery how Enid could finish with the whole thing immediately. At least it seemed like she did. Well, to be fair, there had never been a real thing between them. It was more like a thing before the thing, this was how Carl would describe it. But it was too much to just ignore it, like she did. Because there had been something between them. They had kissed, they had been there for each other, they had been able to talk to each other, they had meant something to each other. At least that was what Carl thought. Seeing Enid acting the total different way was confusing, hurting and everything annoying in between.

Carl had not finished yet. How could he? The final stroke had been drawn only blurry, Carl was  left with so many questions. He thought that it was his good right to still care about her. People were the only thing that mattered. And Enid had always meant a lot to him, even though he had tried to deny it. And bad things had happened, which made it complicated between them. But that doesn't make you stop caring. If you could just give up on people it would mean that it never really meant something. But it had meant something to Carl. More than he wanted to admit. And he wasn't ready to give that up.

Carl watched how Enid closed the door of the trailer behind her. She looked a little sad, an impression that Carl had always noticed when she had left Siddiq's place. From the distance he could see that she had something in her hands, but he couldn't recognize it. Enid looked down to it and seemed lost. Carl was worried. It was horrible to see her like that and even worse was not being able to talk to her. But why shouldn't he? Maybe she was just waiting for him to make the situation clear. Enid had made it really obvious that she wasn't interested to do something against this confusing situation. But she had never really asked him to stop trying. At least not after that one day when everything got the way it was now. Maybe Enid felt the exact same way as he did, and she just couldn't express it. To be fair, they were both not really good with feelings. And who could blame them? Since all of this had started, Carl had never even thought about the opportunity that he could have a relationship. That he would like a girl and want to spend his life with her. You just don't get to think about stuff like this when you grow up in a world like that, where most kids don't even make it to the point where other people got interesting...in this way.

And Enid was even worse than Carl. She had always problems with trusting other people. She had excluded him before, because the fear had controlled her, it has been her way to protect herself. But Carl had thought that she was over that. The whole group had reached a point where they allowed themselves to have a little hope. To believe that they could make it. And Carl and Enid, they had always talked about a future like this. Well, Carl had. Enid didn't dare to think of something like this. But now they were safer than ever. And Carl had no explanation why Enid would distance herself from him at this point. She had let him in before, and broken her own rules. Why did she build them up again? Why now? They had reached the point where you could dare to let people in and don't be afraid to lose them. At least not all the time.

But maybe Enid was different. She always had been. Normally and in any other situation this was something that Carl adored about her. But now it was just...exhausting. She shouldn't be afraid. He wished that he could take her fears and sorrows. Or at least find out what was holding her back...from whatever. Carl looked over to Enid again, who started to make her way to wherever. He didn't think about it twice and got up. If he would hesitate then he would probably didn't try it again. Enid was a damn mystery, and he cursed himself because he had thought that he could see through her. He followed her with quick steps. ,,Enid!" Carl shouted and got nervous as soon as her name had left his mouth. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. He didn't even know what he wanted to say. But it was too late anyways, because Enid stopped in her movements and turned around. Her expression turned in something between confusion and discomfort as she recognized the voice. This was something that Carl tried to ignore. It was hurting, of course. Whatever happened, whatever he had done...Carl hated it. They have come a long way. And every time he watched how she cut him out again it was like a hit in the face. With a rock. A hard rock.