I can't love you too deep

Something in between

Carl followed his Dad, who was walking straight through the Barrington House. On the way there, Carl looked unconsciously around. He was looking for some indication of her. He still wasn't sure if that was what he wanted.  It drove him crazy. He saw her standing in every corner, but she was never really there. He really started to get annoyed. Maybe Carl would be lucky and wouldn't even meet her today. There were so many people at Hilltop and Enid certainly was not very excited about seeing Carl. Especially since it had been very uncomfortable last time. How couldn't it be? Most likely, she would do her best to avoid him as well. That was probably for the best. Carl hated the feeling that he had. His hands were sweaty and his heart was beating excitedly against his chest. He had never felt such a kind of nervousness. For the most part, he had only been afraid for his life. Then there was the nervousness he had liked. The feeling just before something good happened. The first time he had felt that way, when he had been with Enid in the tree. Carl had not been able to assign that at the time. When he had held her hand for the first time, it had been a good kind of nervousness. Something that told you that you enjoyed it. That it was right. And the feeling had never really disappeared when he had been around her. But this feelings now? It didn't warn him from danger and it did not announce a good experience. This was a confusing thing in between. Carl couldn't describe it but sure as hell didn't like it.

,,Hey, Enid!" Rick said. At the mention of her name, Carl's heart skipped a beat. Wow. What was that? Like two minutes? Getting out of the way with this one works great. Carl looked at her for a few seconds, she seemed surprised as well and was carrying a basket full of apples. He noticed that Enid cheeks slightly blushed. So it really was awkward, not just in Carl's mind. ,,Uh...Hi...guys." She said, obviously not sure where to look. As for Carl, he stared at the ground in front of him. He realized that he wasn't able to look in her face. Which really bothered him. He had even returned Negan's gaze when he threatened to kill one of them, never showed his fear. But this time it was different. Enid clearly was his weakness. ,,I...uh..do you want to have an apple?" She took one out of the basket and held it out to them. If Rick noticed the awkward situation, at least he did not care. ,,No, thanks. Do you know where my Daughter is?" Obviously, he was already thinking of something else. He had waited long enough to hold his second child in his arms again. Enid still held the apple in front of her. She stared at Rick for a few seconds, apparently overwhelmed by the situation. Carl noticed that she couldn't look at him either. He really hoped that he hadn't ruined there friendship or what ever it was. They should fix the things between them before it was too late. Hopefully, this moment wasn't come yet. ,,Yeah, I think she is with Barbara on the playground." Enid answered. ,,Playground?" Rick voiced Carl's thought. They really hadn't been here for a while. Enid giggled an apologize. For the first time, her and Carl's eyes met. He had always liked her laugh. Of course, there hadn't been much times where something had been funny. But when they had been together, Carl had always managed to make her smile. Now it was just confusing. He didn't have an idea, if he should crack a grin. It was the normal reaction of his body whenever she looked at him with a smile on her face. But this time there was no smile. Her facial expression didn't tell him anything. So he ended up just staring at her. Again. ,,The..The playground. Yeah." Enid caught herself and turned her eyes back to Rick. ,,We call it that way. But so far it's just a swing and a kind of Sandpit. But Judith loves it." That sound amazing. It was great to hear that they started to built a real future. A future where children could have a childhood. Something Carl had always wanted for his little sister. A big smile appeared on Rick's face. This expression looked so strange on his face that it saddened Carl. He really hoped that his father would find a way to become happy again.  ,,Well, then we should check this out." Rick said, still smiling. Carl was glad that he could finally escape the situation. Without hesitation, he turned around, ready to walk away from Enid and all his confusing thoughts. But his father stopped him with calling his name. Carl closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. He already knew the pitch. It was his typical Dad voice. The voice he always used to warn him or forbid him something. Annoyed he turned back again. ,,What?" Enid watched the situation which made it even more embarrassing. Thanks, Dad. ,,Let Siddiq check you first." Rick said with a determinant look on his face. With emphasis, Carl answered ,,I'm sure this can wait, Dad." He really wished he had stayed in Alexandria. The feeling of embarrassment spread throughout him. He hated it when his weakness was so openly stated. They were worse things than a damaged leg, Carl had already survived  a lot of them. Nobody should think that he was complaining about little scars. ,,No, it can't. Why are we arguing about that? Go." Carl sighed again. His dad would probably always treat him like a child. He also knew that there was no way around this. Discussing with his father almost never did anything. ,,Whatever." Carl looked back to Enid, who was  very focused on not listening to the conversation. Well, that couldn't have been worse. ,,Where do I even find him?" Carl asked annoyed. He wasn't sure who he was addressing, but was surprised when Enid was the one to respond. ,,He's probably in his trailer. Most of the time he is." Unable to say anything, he only nodded. Carl had not missed that Enid had not looked directly at him. ,,Come, I'll bring you to Judith." She said to Rick now.

On the way to Siddiq, Carl decided he needed to sort out the matter with Enid, and sooner rather than later. If they couldn't talk or even look at each other the next few weeks would be exhausting. And Carl would probably go mad or something if he didn't get all the things out of his head. He greeted a few people that were walking through Hilltop. Some of them he hadn't seen in a while. So it took quite a while to finally reach the mentioned trailer. Carl slowly opened the door  and saw Siddiq immediately. A small smile built on his face. It was great to see his new friend again and it seemed like he had already settled down. With the stethoscope around the neck and the serious look on his face he really looked like a doctor. Carl was happy that everything had turned out the way it did, that his group accepted Siddiq, and he was a great help for the community. ,,Hey." Siddiq winced slightly as he heard Carl's voice. Surprised he turned around. With a big smile he greeted his friend, but Carl had seen the short nervousness in his look short after he had recognized him. What was that? ,,You're back!" Siddiq said still smiling but not really looking at him. Carl frowned, but tried to strike a loose tone. ,,Yeah. Two weeks are over, remember?" His new friend only nodded. Something was definitely wrong. ,,You're okay?" Carl asked. Was his presence a problem for him? Siddiq turned his face, now with a serious smile on his face. ,,Yeah, sure. What about you? How does it look like in Alexandria?" Carl still didn't trust the situation, but he decided to play along. Maybe he was just seeing things because of the situation with Enid. They started to catch up and tell each other what happened the last few days. Nothing dramatic, such a few nice stories. Carl liked that. That he was finally able to talk about boring stuff, not just about the danger that they were in. He didn't tell him about the Enid - Situation. Although it weighed heavily on him, he saw no reason to. Carl had mentioned Enid before, when they were hiding in the sewer, but not as his girlfriend or anything. Talking to him about a fight they might or might not have, seemed inappropriate.                               After that Siddiq started to examine him. He checked upper body and especially the places with red or blue marks on it. They were the remnants of the internal bleeding, which fortunately for the most part was cured by medication.

,,So, how is the pain?" Siddiq asked with a serious expression. Carl hesitates for a moment. He probably wouldn't like the fact that Carl had stopped to take the painkillers a week ago. But he was his doctor, so it should be the best idea not to lie to him. After Carl told him why he stopped taking them - because he had been sure that he could handle the pain - Siddiq simply laughed. ,,Seriously , Carl?" He looked at the doctor with a surprised look. This was a reaction that he surely didn't expect. ,,It's just... You have no idea how often you hear this when working in the medical field. And it's always the men." Carl frowned. He was confused about what Siddiq wanted to tell him. Siddiq was still smiling, probably because of his own thoughts and memories. Then he waved off. ,,Forget it. I just want you to know that it's okay to be in pain. Especially after what you've been through. And it's okay to accept help." He emphasized his words with a serious look, so Carl just nodded. His friend seemed like he wanted to say something, but they were interrupted when someone from outside was shouting: ,,Maggie!"

~

So. This was the new chapter. I know, everything is still a little confusing, but I meant to do it like that. You will definitely get answers and also an impression of the last, oh so embarrassing, meeting between Enid and Carl in the next few chapters. What do you think about their meeting? And is something wrong with Siddiq? Who knows? :P Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it :)

Since you're already here..It would be great if you would check out on of my Carl videos if you haven't already. It really means something to me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOP4coBUki0

I know self-promotion stinks, but what else should I do? :D