Don't Let The Sun In Your Heart Decay [Muse - Matt Bellamy]

Chapter 25 - In which I wish to start over again

If this chapter was told by Matt, it would be called Redemption...

So, I wrote this right after I uploaded the last chapter, and since I'm in a really good mood, I want to upload this today as well :) 

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Chapter 25 - In which I wish to start over again

I probably would’ve never realised if it wasn’t for Jaime. Did I really have to be in an argument with Jaime to realize all that I did wrong? I was still surprised by his reaction and what he said to me. I knew everything he said, but there was something in him and how he said it, that it hit me hard. I felt pretty guilty and bad; I couldn’t believe a fourteen year old made me realize all of this. Maybe I was being selfish, or I’m going insane all by myself.

Right after I graduated psychology, I started working as a psychologist for kids and teenagers in a hospital. I was more focused in kids, but I was asked to take care of a fourteen year old boy, Jaime. What a pretty interesting kid. He had long black hair, really pale skin with lots of freckles and beautiful blue eyes with huge dark eyelashes.

Jaime was diagnosed diabetes when he was eleven years old, diabetes type 1, to be exact. Raised by his dad, since Jaime’s mother passed away giving birth. And it was until four months ago that he was also diagnosed with stomach cancer along with lung cancer. There’s not much to do because of the stage of his cancer, and he knows it; he probably has around a year left. What makes this even worse is the fact that Jaime is brilliant; he’s way to smart and mature for his age.

When I look at him, I see a fourteen year old, but the moment he starts talking and speaking his mind, you realise he had a mental age of eighteen. He’s pretty good in math, physics, history, everything. He spends most of his time in the hospital reading history books or biographies. If you meet his dad, you wouldn’t be surprised, he’s a physics teacher, and he gives classes to college students, no wonder why the kid is such a genius.

I found myself being pretty close to Jaime, not because I had appointments with him or whatever, it was because I enjoyed being with him. During my free time, I would go to his room and just talk about anything, from trivial things to deep conversations. Because I established a close bond with him, I told him about my story with Matt –and I found out he’s a fan—and eventually told him everything that happened four months ago.

After what happened with the whole blackmail thing; Matt apologised to me, but I was way too hurt to forgive him, so I kissed him goodbye and left that night. I asked my friend Gus if I could stay in his flat, and I’ve been staying with him. I stayed in contact with Chris, Kelly and Dom; but I refused to talk to Matt again, I was still hurt. For what I could say, Monica didn’t do anything, and made me wonder what Matt could possibly tell Monica that she didn’t do anything anymore. The only news about us were that we had broken up, and something like Matt was having a hard time; well, of course, everyone has a hard time after a breakup. I never saw anything about why we broke up or even about my pregnancy.

The hardest part wasn’t saying goodbye to Matt; it was learning to live without him. In four months, I’m still not used to wake up without him by my side, I have the naive belief that I will wake up from some nightmare and be wrapped between his arms. Gus told me I would call him in my sleep, and I would constantly dream of him. I tried faking I was okay; y’know, fake it till you make it, but it was like trying to get used to not eating, or not breathing. I could still feel his scent around me every morning, and I was pulled back to the raw reality when I opened my eyes to find myself alone in my room. I wondered how Matt felt, but I tried to keep those thought back in the darkest corner in my mind.

One day, I had a quick therapy session with a little girl with leukaemia, and as soon as I finished, I looked into my phone and found out I had the next two hours free before my next appointment, so I decided to take a short visit to Jaime’s room.