Free (Sequel to Through The Dark) Complete

Chapter 43

Harry grabbed some of the food they had left over from dinner and put it on a tray to take in to Julie.  James said that she hadn't left her room since they'd gotten back.  He wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he knew she hadn't had anything to eat if she hadn't left her room, which kind of worried him.  He steadied the tray with one hand and knocked on the door.  He opened it slowly after he knocked.  "Hey, I brought you some dinner," he said as he stepped inside.  She was sitting in the middle of the bed, and he saw her wipe her eyes before she picked her head up from resting in her hands.  "Hey, what's wrong?  James said you hadn't left the room since we got here. I didn't exactly bring you back here to sit in the room the whole time.  And why are you crying?"  When he got closer, he saw her face, and she no doubt had been crying for a while.

"I've just been talking to Amanda.  Kind of got a little heavy, I guess."  She said rubbing her face a little.  "Combination of everything.  They set their wedding date, they've got their venue, and they were going to meet with the florists and the bakers.  I'm happy but can't believe it's happening already.  And then she just was Panda, and caused me to be even more confused about everything than I already was."  She took a deep breath and accepted the tray of food from him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry asked sitting at the end of the bed. Julie didn't answer. "Hey Julie." Harry said with nothing but concern and love in his voice.  "She obviously upset you.  I'm here to listen and help.  You need to let me in.  You said you would try.  Please trust me enough to let me help you."  Harry was waiting for a typical Julie response, but he was hoping that she would let him in.

"No, I don't want to talk about it."  She said looking down at the tray.  She sighed.  "It's just the same shit."  She shook her head as she shrugged her shoulders.  "What I want and what I feel I need are nowhere near close to each other.  I never know what's right, ever."

"Well, what do you want?  What are you feeling?"  He figured it was about him, but he had to get her to open up.  He was hoping that he wasn't pushing her too much.

"I don't think I should be talking to you about it."  She said just giving up on the tray of food.  "Let's not even try to deny it.  You're always my biggest problem."  She really shouldn't say anything to him.  What would it solve?  It might just hurt him, and she wasn't looking to do that either.  "I'm honestly waiting for someone to walk in one of these days and fit me with a straight jacket.  And I'm not even sure I'd fight them."

"Well, thanks Julie."  He smiled.  "At least I'm the biggest."  He said with a smirk.  He could tell Julie wanted to be irritated and maybe she was a little, but he noticed she couldn't help but smile.  He moved next to her on the bed.  "Sweetheart, you are not crazy," he bent down to look her in the eye.  "You can talk to me, even if it is about me.  Don't you think that was part of our problem last time?  We didn't open up to each other about us.  You need to tell me what you're feeling and thinking, and I need to tell you what I'm feeling and thinking.  I promise that I will listen with an open mind and an open heart.  I just ask that you do the same for me."  He really meant what he was saying.  He prayed she could hear the sincerity in his voice and see it in his eyes.  He just hoped he could help her and remain calm.  He was willing to do whatever it took to help her, and particularly help her to see that their love was worth the effort it would take to make it work.

Julie listened to his words, the sincerity and love in his voice was convincing her that maybe she did need to talk to him, really talk to him.  Maybe she needed and wanted to let him know what confusion was going on in her mind.  Maybe if she could explain it, he would understand, and maybe, just maybe, he could help her. BUT the other part of her mind just wanted to leave it alone and try to figure this out for herself.  Who was she fooling?  She was just confusing herself more.