The Lycan Within

c. thirty two

I thought this song was fitting. I absolutely adore Kaleo.

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As I looked into his baby blue eyes, I felt the memories rushing back to me.

*

"I-I'm so sorry, p-please forgive me," I'd stuttered as I immediately dropped to my knees, gathering the stuff I'd held moments ago in my hands. Tobias had watched me expressionlessly for a moment, and I waited for the harsh retort he'd have prepared for me. It never came. Instead I felt his warm knuckles against my own as he fumbled through my belongings, stuffing pages into folders and I couldn't help the heat that had risen to my cheeks with each touch of our skin.

"Don't apologize," his deep voice had near-whispered to me. "It was my fault," he says, and I look up in shock. I feel my jaw fall slack and he simply chuckles, pushing my jaw upwards and offering me a gentle smile. I returned the favour; though I couldn't take the intensity of his gaze. I felt his eyes burning into me as I finished collecting my stuff, and he offered me his hand, which I took and he helped me up with ease as though I weighed a feather.

"Thank you, Tobias," I'd managed to mumble under my breath, without raising my head. I'd made a move to walk away, and yet his gentle hand on my shoulder had me routed to my spot. I looked up at him, to find his gaze already on me.

"It's Toby, to you atleast," he said, flashing me his pearly whites before walking away. I hadn't failed to notice the look of envy in the eyes of the girls nearby and I couldn't help the small smile that had plastered itself on my face and the spring that had made its way into my step. 

*

That was the first of many kindnesses Toby had shown me. And I'd forever be grateful for the kind soul that lit up my darkness. I smiled up at him, and he returned the gesture.

"You look absolutely beautiful," he said, seeming awestruck, and it was a bittersweet moment, when I realized how my past self had yearned to hear him say these words.

"I see you haven't changed Tobias," I said gently, and he smiled a soft smile.

"You're a lycan?" he says, as he digs both hands into his pocket, seeming somewhat saddened by the discovery.

"I only found out recently myself," I admit, and this seems to lighten his mood fractionally. "I can't shift though. The last time I tried, I died," I admitted to him sadly, looking down at my shoes. 

"You could probably kick my ass in any form, Celeste," he says with a raspy chuckle, and I couldn't help the smile on my face. A moment of silence passed between the two of us, and his smile faded into that of a stern, almost worried expression. 

"I need to tell you something, Celeste. I'm only doing this because it's you," he said, with each word he spoke, he seemed to become more alert, his eyes scanning the room wildly. 

"What is it, Toby?" I asked him, his own panic slowly creeping its way towards me. 

"Follow me," he said simply. And that I did. We stepped out through an open glass door, out into the dimly starlit grounds, with the forest not too far from us. The walk was in silence, and I was grateful for that. The unspoken words between us built a tension in the air that I simply wasn't prepared to address. We'd eventually made it deep enough into the woods, leaving us not subject to the prying lycan and wolf ears of the party. The thin slithers of starlight that managed to penetrate through the trees were the only things illuminating the angled face of Tobias and the eyes I'd once spent hours lost in. 

"What did you need to tell me, Tobias?" I asked him, and immediately he became on guard, surveying the surroundings as though waiting for a threat.

"There's an organization, and the agenda is to bring down the lycans." he began, and as he uttered the last word, his frantic gaze landed on me.

"It's lead by a lycan himself, working in cohorts with a witch, some even say they are mated." he continues, now instead walking around in circles, taking slow, even steps around me as though I were the center of a carousel. 

"Word has it, lycans killed his true mate, and now he's going after their daughter, to lure them in, and exact his revenge on the family." I gasped, taking in all the information. 

"The daughter's name happens to be the same as yours. And with you turning out to be a lycan, it only makes sense this is you,"

"But my parents are dead," I whispered, as tears began to prick at my eyes, as I found myself falling into an even bigger mess left behind for me by Esmerelda.

"Your parents are alive and well, that's why he needs you, Celeste," he says matter of factly. And all that followed was silence. Even the birds and the wind and the mood had slowed to a halt. The moon and stars had stopped shining and my world had come to a halt.

It was before either of us could react was there the crack of a twig behind Tobias and suddenly he groaned and I didn't fail to notice the glint of silver, blood exploding from his mouth, raining down on me like the sins of my family before me. He slumped onto the ground and I looked up into those same purple eyes masked behind a deep red cloak. I remembered those deep violet eyes and fear began to rise in my throat.

"Lover boy here said too much," her voice had hissed into the night. With that, and a sudden harsh whistle of the wind, she was gone. I immediately threw myself onto the ground, cradling Tobias' head into my lap, as he cough irregularly as his diaphragm spasmed uncontrollably. "It's okay, Toby, you'll heal," I had said, through the choking caused by the tears threatening to roll from my eyes.

"Silver is fatal to werewolves, Celeste," he managed to choke out, blood spurting out of his mouth and onto me with each syllable. 

"But before I go," he said, coughing in pain, his eyebrows furrowed as he struggled to keep his eyes open. "I never got the chance to tell you this, but I love you, I love you so much," The tears fell freely now and I stroked his dark curls and nodded with a bittersweet smile.

"Thank you, Toby, for absolutely everything." I muttered, and his eyes fluttered close and he flashed me a wide grin with his blood stained pearly whites. A few moments passed, and his body fell slack and the tears fell unrestrained, and I pressed my lips to his forehead for a long moment. He had been the closest thing I had to a friend before I met the lycans and my heart ached at his death. I held his head close to me for just another moment, before pulling away and standing over his still warm corpse. I forced myself to turn from him, stepping through the forest with automatic steps, as my mind was elsewhere. My face was damp with tears and Toby's blood and my heart ached with the loss of a friend, and worse of all, the discovery of my parent's being alive. My very body could not function and everything seemed to fall apart. It didn't seem to be long, although the concept of time seemed somewhat blurry to me at this point, and I found myself walking through the side door.

Each step I took left a bright red stain against the white marble, and slowly the hall had grown silent and as I walked, people beside me stepped away from them as if I was inflicted with a contagious disease. I didn't care at this point. Sebastian, Ben and Catori had all ran towards me, all shouting loudly, although sounding so distant to me. All I could find myself focusing on was an expressionless Nero who watched form the balcony Catori and I had stood, hands digging into the banister.

_____

Well damn. rip tobias. but anywho! i'm slowly starting to get back into writing and hopefully soon we'll be back to regular updates, and i do really want to finish this story so i can get started on the sequel! i did drop a hint of what will happen, it's a loose end that alot of you have asked about!! but anyways!! how did you like this chapter? thoughts on tobias? how did you like the chapter? please do comment as i really like hearing from you guys, and also leave a vote xx

lots of love

-mrs gandy xox