Insomniac

Michael

☽m.14☾

really unedited so approach with caution

My roommate was spending his weekend out partying so I was spending my weekend in my true natural habitat: my room was cold, dark and Relient K was playing softly from my outdated boom-box. I had just gotten back from the showers and I was wrapped up in my blankets, a burrito of apathy completely and wonderfully naked under my thick navy blue duvet.

Ooh gotta get out of here, I've been stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake...

I had just gotten back from a game meaning that my mind was still crawling with all kinds of different drills, plays and of course everything that I did wrong- that was the most prominent part-all of this ensconced by the ringing of my ears from the cheering that echoed through the stadium. So much had gone wrong today. I hadn't gotten any playing time until the last possible second and when I finally went in... I chocked. I was always chocking ever since my dad stopped coming to my games. As much as I hated him and all that he did all of the negative connotation that came with just thinking his name, there was nothing like the pressure of his presence and the prickle of his beady soulless eyes on me to make me play harder than I ever thought possible. It was weird. He was leaving me alone now, but I still didn't feel... free. The stupid bastard was still ruining my life from afar. It's like he decided he was done playing hand to hand combat and he had just resorted to sniping me from afar. Jesus. I hated him.

Thing number two that went wrong: apart from my ever present daddy issues there was the issue that Sam had said she was coming to this game. And boy did that mess me up. On the bench all I could think about was how much of a loser I must've seemed like just sitting there on the bench offering half-hearted encouragements to my team mates that annoyingly so actually had their shit together. Then on the field all I could think was 'crap is she even here?' or 'She's gonna see me mess up, she's gonna see me mess up.' 'Crap, crap, shit, crap, shit, crap... etc.'

So naturally once the game was over and coach was done reaming me out as per usual, I bolted. I was embarrassed and mad and sore. I told myself all I needed was a shower and my air conditioning turned all the way up and just a good nap. But now I was laying here and thinking, 'Nope this isn't what I needed.' I wasn't sure what I needed. I found myself thinking about Sam-cause really what else was I thinking about as of late?-and how I really hoped something came up so that she wasn't there cause damn, what would I do if she actually did show up? Then my mind traveled to the other morning when her annoying flatmate interrupted us.

"God," I groaned aloud and rolled on my bed.

Talk about completely terrible timing. Her timing was the equivalent to having your computer crash when you were cram writing a paper due the next day, or I didn't know... something else equally as horrifying. I hoped that her stupid mousy blonde neighbor felt terrible for interrupting. Finally I had been thinking. Finally I would be able to taste those lips. I felt like a middle school kid again. All I could think about was kissing her, and not much else... Like yeah I admit I sorta wondered what she'd look like sans the clothes (probably freaking amazing) but my focal point was just kissing her, and even that was a big step with her because only last week my main thing had been holding her hand. I had fantasized about holding her hand for months. Which let me tell you was something to fantasize about because God, did she have soft hands. Her skin was like silk. I was like Cody from Suite Life on Deck, I was moving at snail's pace, this was like some six month plan. And oddly enough I was... okay with it.

Anyhow, back to the point. Kissing her. Kissing her was the thought that consumed me. Which shouldn't really be a surprise I guess considering even if I wasn't wondering how soft her lips were on a scale of one to ten I would probably be thinking about her still.