RANTS

oof

~I know I hardly update, but I just haven't been able to make myself no matter what I do~

I was, for several months, almost completely head-over-heels for my friend. Let's call them friend 1. I thought the feeling was never going to go away. Two of my friends knew about how I felt about friend 1 and thought we were adorable together and should start dating.

Then I made a new friend. At the time, she was dating one of the friends from earlier. Let's call him friend 2 and her friend 3. They were kinda cute together, and everyone thought they would last quite a while. After around two week of me being friend 2's girlfriend's friend, she broke it off with him. She said she didn't want to hurt him, but that isn't what she told him.

After a couple more weeks of friendship, her bestfriend, who I am also friends with now, told me something. She told me my new friend liked me. Like the mushy, highschool-romance movie, middle schoolers passing love notes in class, 'like-liked' me. I had no idea how I felt about her, and friend 4 kept pressuring me to figure out how I felt. I couldn't. My insomnia started acting up from how confused I was. I didn't know how I felt about friend 1 anymore, and couldn't even attempt to understand how I felt about friend 3.

A Couple more weeks went by of sleepless nights, sick days and utter confusion. I was falling for friend 3, and couldn't comprehend how you could stop loving someone for someone else so quick.

A few days before prom, I asked friend 3 to come with me, as a friend. She said yes, of course. then, a couple days after she said yes, she confessed to me. And the funniest part was, I was planning on confessing to her at prom. She asked me out and I said yes.

I was partially worried, because my best friend warned me and said that when he dated her (it was for literally two days, long before I met either of them) she had made him miserable and made him very depressed. I didn't listen, at least not much, because I couldn't see how she could make me of all people more depressed, seeing as everything and everyone makes me feel absolutely worthless (I'll explain in the next chapter).

I'm so glad I didn't listen. So far, I'm very, very happy with her and she makes me feel so much better about myself and brings so much light into my life, that I hadn't had before. And even if I still have near crippling depression, she helps with every breath she takes and every thought of her that pops in my mind.

I know young love rarely lasts, and there's an enormous chance we won't make it past high school, but right now I don't give a single fuck. For now, I'm happy, at least during the day and that's all that matters right now.

And I know this is really cringey and sappy, but that's basically my entire existence. I'm the kind of person that if I have a 'crush' on you, I'm basically head-over-heels in no time. and I've never had someone like me back before, but I'm so glad I do now.