Afraid of Roses

My life is very complicated and confusing. I've been through multiple traumas since I was young and I feel as if the older I get, the worse things become.

This world is a crazy place full of crazy people and crazy experiences. I'm only a teen so I know that a lot of people think that I don't know what I'm talking about and that I'm too young to understand.

Let me explain myself better. When I say I'm "Afraid of Roses" it means that I'm afraid to love someone truly.

I constantly want to feel wanted. I want someone who gives me attention and makes me smile and laugh and brings real joy to my life. But at the same time, I don't want any of this at all.

People message me and tell me that I should date them because my whole life will change and I'll be so much happier.

And although a part of me believes them and wants to be with them, the other part of me knows that I'm going to end up hurting them or they'll end up hurting me.

I'm tired of being used and abused. I'm tired of hurting people because I can't make up my mind.

I always warn people before they get involved with me. I tell them "make sure you know what your getting yourself into, because I'm a damaged person and I don't know if you want to handle that."

I have random mental break downs. I can be extremely happy one minute and the next thing I know, all I want to do is crawl up in a hole and hide. You have to be patient with me because it's going to take me a while to really open up. And if you know that you can't handle that, then please don't pretend like you can.

I'm not your "dream girl" I'm not the first pick or the life changer. I'm just another average face with a deep story. The more you get to know me, the deeper a whole you dig for yourself.

I'm afraid of roses. I'm afraid of falling for someone because I know that eventually they won't want to deal with all my damage, and when they leave I'm
Here all alone picking up the broken pieces. 

You can't help someone while they're broken, because you might cut yourself on their shattered pieces. I'm sorry that I love too much.

I'm sorry that I'm too complicated. I'm
Sorry that I can't be average. I'm sorry that I'm scared to love you.

Please don't get caught up in my mess. Because I know that People change people, so if you stay with me for too long, you might become afraid of roses too...