"Parting Ways"- A Boy Meets World Fan Fiction

14

I must have cried myself to sleep, because when I opened my eyes again, the room was lit by only the city lights around me. I miss the moonlight that peeked in my tiny window in my trailer bedroom.

I made my way back out to the balcony and leaned on the rail. There's something so scary and thrilling about this balcony that keeps drawing me toward it.

I looked down.

The city buzzed beneath me just like it had in the day. The city really doesn't sleep at night. Neither do I.

After a black, dreamless rest, I feel awake, but I don't feel alive. I don't feel right.

It's like trying to fit a corner piece into the center of a puzzle. I feel out of place.

I inhaled the hot air and held my breath as long as I could. I counted the seconds.

Ninety, ninety-one, ninety-two, ninety-three...

I closed my eyes. Without my breath and without my vision. The city was louder than ever.

Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine...

I exhaled.

I opened my eyes, my vision shook, trying to comprehend the mass amount of movement beneath me.

Still not alive.

Not for long, anyway.

I jumped back, away from the rail.

Scared by my mind once again, I stepped backward indoors and closed the curtains. I closed up every curtain in the place. It was dark, too dark.

I sat at the counter where I had left Meg that afternoon and laid my head down on my arms, resting on the counter.

My fingers brushed the side of an open book- The journal Meghan bought for me.

I sat up more and turned the pages. One by one. Slowly.

Every page blank, to my knowledge. I could hardly see my hand in front of me, let alone the pages of this journal.

Metaphorically, those pages are my life at the moment. They are empty, yet full. Full of potential to become a meaningful story. A story of life, a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶t̶h.

They could also remain blank. Holding only the mystery of what they could have been.

I close the journal. Leaving the back cover of the book face up, I pushed it aside.

My watch read 4:27 a.m., I knew good and well that I wouldn't be able to sleep, I also knew that Cory and them back home wouldn't be awake just yet.

So I decided to go. I tightened my shoelaces and left the room, closing the door behind me with a click.

The hallway was very dimly lit by a few yellowish lighbulbs placed randomly along the walls. The one outside my door flickered. I watched it for a few minutes, almost in awe of it, for it was holding onto its power. Though it was seemingly running on empty.

I reached over the top of the concave light fixture in the wall and tightened the bulb. It was hot to the touch, and it didn't stop flickering. I decided that I'd just leave it be.

I ventured down the hall toward the elevator slowly, like you would walk through a bookstore when you don't want to miss a certain title.

The elevator came to my floor with a soft ding that would've been quiet if the complex was awake.

The elevator has a glass wall that allows me to watch the city as I travel downward toward ground level.

It's strange to look down and watch the ground come to me.

***

At a bar in a restaurant, I got an older dude with yellowish grey hair to buy me a drink. I'm not quite of legal age yet, but we'll keep that between us.

I sat at the very corner of the bar, out of sight, out of question. I stirred my drink with the tip of my finger and wished so much that I wasn't here right now, in Los Angeles, I mean.

I wished that I was back home, and that if I were awake at the moment, I could just go over to the Matthews and lie on their couch until one of them woke up. I did that often, they didn't mind at all.

I miss them, I miss them so much.

Just forget, Shawn...

Just forget...

***

By the time I got back to the apartment, the sun had already risen. I hoped to be able to watch it rise from the balcony, but I was too late.

I went to the balcony anyway, I like it.

I don't like it.

I need my people.

I need Cory.

Cory always knew how to make me feel better.

He could always make me smile if I was upset, or make me laugh when I was crying.

Not that I'm crying or anything.

I'm okay and all I just...

Nevermind.

I don't want to call, yknow, since it's only been like two days. I don't want to seem like I can't handle the choice I made, because I can! It's just a lot harder than I expected it to be. I'm fine. Totally fine.

A while back, after my dad died, I went through a really rough time. I could hardly do get out of the house, let alone work and go to school. It was awful...

But Cory, man, I don't know what he did, but he lifted me up. Somehow let me know that everything was going to be okay, and it was. It was okay.

It's different right now though, 'Cause I know Cory disagrees with me coming out to LA and everything. So if I were to tell him that I'm having a hard time and all, he'd probably just encourage me to come back home; which, honestly. I would love to do. But I also committed to working here and I have to. Right?

I don't know, I don't really know anything. Except that I'm alone, I'm scared, and I'm tired. Tired of trying to figure this out on my own, that is.