Try Hard // l.h.

18: Eighteen

A week ago today I lost three best friends. They were off somewhere performing and having fun. While I was here worrying about everything.

I looked down at the bracelet they guys had gotten me for Christmas. I made some many good memories with them, but I screwed everything up.

I'm sure none of them will talk to me again. Maybe Ashton. He understood.

"Hey, Em, you wanna play video games, Logan asked walking into my room.

I shook my head.

"I just want to be alone," I sighed.

"You've been alone for a week. C'mon," he exclaimed.

"Please, I just need to think," I said looking at him with watery eyes.

He sighed and walked out. Logan knew I was hurting, but he didn't understand.

This whole week I avoided everyone. Clair, Stacy, Stella, Summer, and Jake.

Jake especially. Ever since that night, he's been texting me nonstop.

I glanced back at my bracelet and saw some of my old scars. I remembered how they helped me cope. Before I knew it I was standing in my bathroom with a razor in my hand.

Tears were streaming down my face. I placed the metal against my hip bone. I pressed and slid creating a thin line of blood. The feeling of relief washed over me. I did one more. Then another. And another.

I just broke my promise. My promise to Luke. My promise to my my mom. My promise to myself.

*flashback*

I pressed the cold metal to my wrist and began sliding it across. This was my way out. My relief.

"Emma, I'm heading to the st- WHAT ARE YOU DOING," my mom yelled grabbing the razor out of my hand.

"It takes the pain away," I said.

"Emma, never do that again," she shouted.

"It's the only pain I can control," I snapped.

My mom started crying.

"Honey, there are other ways to deal with it. Please don't do this. Please," she said taking my hands.

I nodded.

That night I made a promise to myself. No more cuts.

*End*

I quickly began cleaning my cuts and took a shower. I needed to sleep. It helps.

-

The next morning I had to get ready for school. Sadly.

I didn't bother doing my hair or make up, so I just did a simple ponytail and got dressed.

"I'm ready to go," I said to Logan, who was finishing his breakfast.

"Okay, give me a sec," he said getting up.

I went and sat in the living room.

-

"I'll se you at lunch," Logan smiled.

I nodded walking to my first period class.

"So I'm going to hand back the tests we took Friday," Liz said.

She was passing out tests to different students and then she handed me mine.

68%.

This is the worst grade I've had all year! Under the grade it said see me after class.