I'm Still Here

Our First Date

When I wake up I am, sadly, alone. I drag myself out of bed and into the shower. I like my showers a little cold, but not freezing. I wash myself, then get out. I dry my hair and brush my white teeth. Next, I clean my 00g ears. I'm still debating on sizing up. I walk into my room in only a towel and grab an old cut up band shirt, a bra, underwear, and some knee length sweat pants. I walk back into the bathroom and put my clothes on. I brush my hair into a tight pony tail, but I let the hair that frames my face stay. Lastly, I put on light eyeliner and mascara.

Danny is laying on my bed when I walk back into my room. He smiles at me, "You're not wearing that to our date at 6 o'clock, are you?"

I shake my head. "No, I'm letting Drew dress me up."

Danny laughs and hops off the bed. "Good luck with that," he says kissing my forehead and walking into his room.

I roll my eyes and put on my tennis shoes. I usually jog in the mornings. I realize it's noon, but I still feel like jogging. So shut up.

I go downstairs and tell Mikey and Drew I'm going for a jog in the backyard. I know it sounds funny, but this place has a huge back yard. There is a little detached porch in the forest part of the backyard. Drew's father made a wooden walk way from the house to the porch. It's a 15 minutes walk, 10 minute jog, and 5 minute run. For me at least.

I finally get to the porch thing. I open the screen door and plop down on the well taken car of couches.

There was a time Drew would bring Mikey, Ellie, and I her. It was fun I would always start pillow fights. Ellie and I hid out here for awhile when she found out she had cancer. She made a will here.

"All of my things go to Lizy!" Ellie had said. "Lizy, when I die I want you to read my journal, okay? But read the tabs first!"

"Okay," I said hugging her and crying.

"NO!!" she screamed at me, "There will be absolutely no crying about me! No mourning!"

My heart starts to hurt when I think of this memory. I still haven't read her journal, but I know exactly where it is. It is in my new room, in my new desk. I put it there last night. I'll read it tomorrow. I'll come to this place and read.

"I love you, Lizy, you're my best and only friend!" Ellie's 10 year old self said to me.

"I love you, too, Ellie," I smiled and hugged her.

"No matter what we will always be best friends, for life!" Ellie said seriously, her dirty blond hair fell into her face.

"No matter what!" I repeated.

"No matter what," I repeat aloud.

"If I die first I want you to kill my parents," Ellie said almost in tears.

"Why?" I asked.

"My dad hits me...he hits me hard with belts and stuff...and my mom drinks...a lot...then she hits me," Ellie sniffled and took her shirt off to show me the all the bruises and slash mark her parents had made on her back and sides and arms.

"Imma tell my momma, she will help you," I said, standing up quickly.

"No!! They will get mad at me and hurt me more!" she screamed and begged for me not to tell. "Promise you won't tell, Elizabeth Rose Morton."

"I promise, I won't tell," I said, defeated.

I start crying. I pull my legs to my chest and cry harder. I cry because I'm mourning Ellie. I cry because I feel so alone. I cry because Ellie didn't think she deserved to be happy. I cry because Ellie didn't want me to mourn her. I cry because I didn't tell Mom about Ellie's parents. I cry because I was 5 minutes to late. I cry because I'm still here. That depressing fact that I'm still here.