I'm Still Here

Reading Ellie's Diary

I wake up before Danny, neither of us have moved since last night. He sleeps silently and I think, unwillingly, at what he told me last night. I think about how his story is so similar to Ellie's. How his sister killed herself when she was only 12. I think about how Danny's face look so hurt when he looked at my scars. When he said he wants to help me better than he helped her.

After hearing Danny's story and thinking more about Ellie's story I realize I live in heaven compared to them. No, my life isn't perfect, but I shouldn't be mutilating my body because I'm just mourning a friend, or because I hate myself.

I look at Danny and smile. This is one amazing boy. I squeeze his hand lightly and hold it against my chest. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

Later when I wake up I realize it's 6am and Danny is gone. I hear the toilet flush in the bathroom. Danny appears and heads for the door that leads to the hall.

"So you just use my bathroom and you don't even stay until we are both awake?" I smile.

Danny looks at me with a faint sleepy smile and walks over to the platform. "I don't really want to go back to sleep, I was going to go back into my room and play video games." Danny leans against the platform.

"Am I invited?" I ask sleepily, "Even if I don't play video games I can always just go back to bed."

"Of course you're invited," Danny smiles and climbs halfway up the platform just to kiss my head. I just realize Danny still had his suit on, minus the shirt, jacket, tie and shoes. I also realize I still have my dress on.

"I'll be in after I change," I hop off the platform and push Danny out of my room. He laughs as I close the door in his face.

I just want to get out of this dress. I grab my long Garfield pajama pants and a black tank top. I also but on a bra, just cause. After I'm dressed I grab the rest of Danny's suit and walk across the hall. I knock on the door and wait.

Danny opens that door and takes his suit pieces. He has changed pants, he now only wears long Mountain Drew pajama pants and an Motionless in White band shirt. He invites me in and I go straight to his bed. I crawl under his blankets and get comfy. I hadn't realized before, but his bed is actually memory foam.

"You comfy?" Danny asks laying on top of the covers next to me.

I nod and smile at him. He smiles back and starts playing a violent video game. I don't know which one but there's guns and he can rob places.

"Hey, Danny?" I say yawning.

"Hm?"

"Ellie said to read her diary after she died. Can you be with me when I do?" I ask suddenly feeling really comfy and tired.

"Of course," Danny kisses my forehead and continues playing his game. I fall asleep within minutes.

When I wake up this time I stay awake, but Danny fell asleep next to me, on top of the covers. I guess Danny fell asleep in the middle of his game. I watch him sleep for a few seconds then get bored. I don't get why in movies and books people can just stare at people they like as they sleep.

"Danny," I say shaking him awake.

"What?" he says sleepily and irritated.

"Wake up, I'm bored," I sit up and bounce on the bed.

He groans and sits up rubbing his eyes, "Fine." I glance at the clock, noon.

I climb out of Danny's extremely comfortable bed. "You coming?" I ask as I open the door. Danny smiles and stands. He walks behind me as we walk down the hall and down the stairs.