Things Ive Written On My Life

the truth of life

You know I've always been the person to help others
Never have I turned helping someone down
Not even if I hated them
But I'm also the person who when asking for help rarely received it
Not from my mother, grandparents, cousins, or siblings
I guess if I asked the right person I would have
But for the world they can turn to those people, me?
I'm not sure who I can turn to
Cause with everything I've ever asked all I received was pain
Experience in the wrong way
I know how to start a fire
I know how to rig a car
I know how to properly put on a face to cover
I know how to turn emotions off
I know how to fight
But I don't know how to love
Or how to deal with crying
A normal person would have cried if someone close to them died
Me I sat at the funeral almost to tears yet not feeling anything
You know the girl that sits in the back
The one you think has it bad or is a loner
That's me but I don't sit in the back
I sit in the front, I get good grades, I have friends
But they don't really care
I'm the only one who reaches out
Unless needed for help
Then I'm wanted
Yet why do I keep going
Acting like it's all ok
Like life's perfect
I may have escaped many bad situations
But it always seems like I get thrown into another
Can I just freeze in a moment where I can be loved
Where I'm wanted anytime
Cause it seems like I'm just a burden unless I'm helping
Maybe that's why I help
No cause I still feel bad
I guess it's cause I care
Maybe a little to much
Cause I helped to many times to count the one person
That is supposed to be there for you
My mother
Who at the first chance she got sold me off
Not once but twice
How about that time when the whole family forgot my birthday just cause I shared it with another, hers was celebrated
Or the time I was left to pay the bills
Or take care of and raise my siblings
Yet all I got was pain
Those siblings either act like nothing happened or never see or talk to me
I never got a thank you
Never received even a smile
But all those times when I helped I got the fake smiles
Those I'm used to
For mine is so perfected
Like a mirror
That no one can tell that I never truly smiled
My smile is an act to keep others around me in a good mood
Crying people who have people who care get to cry
People like me with seems to be no one
We cry we break completely
And this world I refuse for it to break me