Sex in Sochi

Synchronized Swimming

   Barry Cummins scratched his itchy crotch with his free hand. His other hand was occupied with carrying the heavy equipment for the event’s coverage.

   “How about we get a shot of the pool from one of the narrow ends? Will that give us a good angle?” Alexandra Belli asked him.

   Barry flitted his eyes across the area. “I think a corner would be better.”

   “Okay.”

   He placed his camera case on the floor and unlatched the fasteners for the tripod. Alexandra jotted notes for the event.

   “All set,” he said.

   The former porn star gave him a cool smile. “How’s my hair and makeup?”

   “Looks good. Just like the day I first filmed you,” he said while scratching his crotch again. Barry had never expected to be working at the Sex Olympics, but his connection to Alexandra had opened doors for him that he had never even seen before. Before Alexandra became a famous porn actress, she had performed for Barry in one of his amateur videos in his mother’s basement. The film had gone viral and Alexandra said that she owed it all to her lucky charm, Barry. When she refused to let anyone other than him film her for anything, his own career skyrocketed with hers, and now he found himself at the biggest sporting event in all of history.

   Barry couldn’t help being thankful as his career shot up just as his mother had kicked him out of her basement for not getting a real job. Now with his extravagance, he gave his mother not a cent because she had not believed in his ability to make it big. He still sidelined occasionally in the porn industry, but this was as much of his break out as it was Alexandra’s.

   “All set if you want a run-through,” he said.

   “Yeah, let’s do it.”

   Barry scratched his crotch and counted her in.

   “Welcome to the event of the Sex Olympics, ladies and gentlemen! Synchronized swimming has a strong history with the sex olympics and is the most viewed sporting event in the entire world, beating even the Super Bowl and FIFA World Cup. I’m Alexandra Belli, and I’ll be your guide through it all.

   “This year’s front runners are the sexy ladies of Brazil’s enormous pornography industry, but the team from Oman is a strong contender. In the event, all the teams will take turns performing a routine to captivate the audience and judges. Scores are subjective, but there are things they look for. Higher scores are given to teams that stay in sync, and extra points are awarded for any routine that achieves synchronized orgasms. Other areas for extra points are recreations of famous scenes from pornos, done in time with the music. The use of white t-shirts without bras is also a good way to get scores up.”

   Barry gave her a thumbs up, and Alexandra exhaled.

   “How was that?”

   “Perfect.”

   “Thanks. I guess we don’t need another run-through. Just wait for the event to sta-,” she stopped mid-way. “Fucking hell. What are you doing blocking my angle!”

   Abel Cannoway shrugged. “This a good angle, Hodor?”

   Hodor grunted.

   “Good. Make sure the sun’s reflection off the water doesn’t affect my look. I can’t have anything messing this up.”

   “Hey, did you hear me? We were set up here first,” Alexandra screeched.

   “And you’re welcome to stay, but as head correspondent, I’ve chosen this…” he pointed to the ground, “particular spot to do my segment.”

   Alexandra huffed, but Barry started to pack up. “We can get another good view from the other side.” He picked up his things and walked away.

   Alexandra caught up to him and asked, “How the hell am I supposed to do my intro in time?”

   Barry smirked. “I recorded your run-through, so we can just send that in. It was perfect anyway.”

   She gave him a quick hug and kiss as he set up in the new location. He scratched his crotch and gave her a giggle. Once he sent the intro through to the station, he focused the camera and set up a shot for the rest of the segment. The Brazilian team came out with a flurry of drums and bells and did an almost perfect rendition of a sexy samba in the water. Nine of the ten girls orgasmed in unison, and the final one was only a couple seconds off. The judges awarded them a 9.5.

   When the Oman girls came out, no one expected them to outperform Brazil, but with a full recreation of the sex scene from The Notebook with strapons and all, they managed to steal away victory with a 9.7. The defeat was stunning and beautiful. Barry had to force himself to stop scratching his itchy crotch.