Heart of a Traitor

4: At the End of the Day

A week passes. Though I feel more welcome and the mood of the group grows more lighthearted, it doesn't make the days pass any quicker. It doesn't make the nights any easier. When I don't dream of home, I dream of my family. I dream of Jake more than anything. I wonder if he's looking for me. I wonder if he's worried. I wonder if he's given up.

On the tenth night I spend away from home, I have a nightmare. I'm in the same throne room, the one that's larger than life. The gold man stands in front of the fireplace. He's looking right at me.

"Daughter of Poseidon," he calls out to me in that booming voice of his, "do you know who I am?"

I want to tell him no. I want to ask him why he keeps calling me Poseidon's daughter. But just like last time, I can't move. I can't talk. I can't breathe.

"I am Kronos, Lord of the Titans," he informs me. "My children, the Olympians, have forgotten who their ruler is. I will remind them. And I will use you to do it."

All I can do is stare.

"I am the ruler of time," he tells me. "I can bend it to my will. Do you really believe that a small mortal child like yourself could outrun time?"

If I could move, I'd be shaking with fear.

"You could run to the ends of the earth and I will still find you. I will have enough strength to utilize a vessel in three months time. I will find you then, wherever you are, whoever you're with, and I will make you mine."

I bolt upright, gasping for breath. Luke and Thalia had made a makeshift bed in the heart of the forest. We're shielded by thick fallen branches and fat tree roots. There's three blankets between us, all of which I bought the same day I got Annabeth's first aid supplies. I'm lying between Annabeth and Thalia. Both of them are still sleeping soundly. Once I realize that the dream is over, I let myself breathe. I'm quiet as I stand up and make my way away from them.

The man—Kronos, apparently—had said that he will find me no matter where I am. No matter who I'm with. Meaning that if I'm still with Luke, Thalia, and Annabeth in three months, I'll be endangering them. If I want to protect them, I have to leave. The sooner the bett—

I feel the presence before I hear them. I don't know if it's a person or an animal or a monster, but I know that someone's watching me. Someone's following me. I speed up my pace, trying to think of anything on me that I can use as a weapon. Thalia's knife—that's the only thing between the four of us. And it's tucked soundly away with Thalia back in the heart of the forest.

With no other option, I run. I hear a twig snap as the person following me picks up their pace. What do they want? Do I dare to look behind me to see who it is? It doesn't matter. I never get the chance to. The person catches up to me easily, grabbing my arm and stopping me from running. I turn, ready to claw them or it in the face, only to see that it's Luke.

I frown. "Luke?! What the hell?"

He raises his eyebrows. "I've never heard you curse before."

I shove him, all my fear quickly transforming into frustration. "Why are you following me?!"

He puts his hands up in surrender. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to make sure you didn't..."

"What?" I question, crossing my arms. "Get myself killed? Do you really think I can't take care of myself?"

"I didn't imply that you couldn't," he points out, "but two people are always stronger than one. I just don't want you to get hurt."

I force my arms back to my sides. "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just... sorry."

I turn and continue to walk. It takes me less than five seconds to realize that he's still following me.

"I'd like to be by myself," I tell him straight out.

"I'd like to keep you safe," he says in just as sassy a tone as I had used.

I roll my eyes. "You're not going to leave me alone, are you?"

He keeps pace with me. "You don't have to talk about it, but I'm not leaving your side."

"Talk about what?" Is it really so obvious that I'm upset?

"Whatever's bothering you."

That's a yes.

"I'm—"

"Don't say you're fine." Now he sounds annoyed. "I know you're not. You don't need to explain. We don't have to talk. But don't say you're fine when you're so clearly not."

We walk in silence for a while, circling around the forest. And I don't want to admit it, but the company is actually kind of nice. Luke's presence makes the dream feel far away, a threat that doesn't matter.

But it isn't far away. You have months left. And the threat does matter—your life is on the line. Staying here only puts the others in danger.

"Luke?" I say, my voice loud in the silence.

"Yeah?"

"If you were in trouble," I begin, my voice shaky, "and being around others put them in trouble too, would you leave them?"

He stops walking. Looks at me. I can't read him. Can't tell what he's thinking. It's unnerving. "In this hypothetical situation, do I want to leave these people? Or do I like being around them?"

I think about it. "They're growing on you. You don't see any reason to not like them."

"Then I'd leave," he answers simply.

"Why?" I wonder. How can he make it sound like a simple decision?

"Because if I like these people," he explains, "I'd do whatever it took to keep them safe. I'd even sacrifice my happiness for them."

"You make it sound... easy."

"This isn't a hypothetical question, is it?"

I'm silent.

"El... what's going on?" He gasps. "Does this have something to do with why you ran away?"

I look at him. He sees the answer in my eyes.

"This is why you ran away."

I don't say anything. I don't need to. He already knows the truth.

"What are you running from? Who?"

Again, I'm silent.

"El, we can protect you--"

"No, you can't!" I finally scream, like a bubble that's just popped. "You can't protect me, my family can't protect me, no one can!"

"They can't if you don't tell them what's going on--"

"No," I press stubbornly.

"You're annoyingly stubborn, you know that?"

If he intends for his words to hurt, it doesn't work. I'm too busy thinking about my death. "I told you I wanted to be alone."

"Fine," he huffs. "But don't say I didn't try to help." He storms off and heads back towards Thalia and Annabeth.

The silence he leaves behind is deafening.

...

We make it to the beach the next day. As soon as Annabeth catches sight of the sand, she sprints for the water. Usually I would be following her, but I'm not in good spirits today. I find a spot in the sand while Thalia and Luke follow Annabeth into the water, not caring that they're soaking their jeans. I watch them laugh and splash each other. They really look like a family, I realize.

I recall the conversation I had with Luke last night. I'd do whatever it took to keep them safe, he had said. I can do it. I can get up and leave right now. They won't notice I'm gone until it's too late, until I'm too far gone. And yet, I can't bring myself to move. Maybe Luke is just a better person than I am. Maybe I'm just a ten-year-old that's too selfish to sacrifice her happiness to keep other people safe.