Heart of a Traitor

6: If I Could Tell Him

I stumble out of the house with a jumbled mind. I don't know how to make sense of my thoughts. I don't know if I want to. Thalia and Annabeth are on the other side of the lawn. Annabeth wears a worried frown while Thalia mutters to herself under her breath.

"Are gods real?" I manage to ask when I finally reach them.

"Now is really not the time!" Thalia lectures, glaring at me. "We need to find Luke."

I frown, looking around to realize that Luke is nowhere in sight. "We lost Luke?"

"He couldn't have gone far," Annabeth says, trying to assure Thalia.

They begin talking about places they think he disappeared off to. A tree branch snaps behind the house. I seem to be the only one that hears it. I walk around to the gate leading to the backyard. At the mouth of the forest, Luke sits with his back against a tree, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking. I take a seat next to him.

"We don't have to talk about it," I tell him when he stops to look at me, "but I'm not leaving your side."

He sniffs, recalling the familiar words from the other night. "Did you hear everything?"

"You don't have to worry about me judging you, if that's what it is," I tell him, then lean in to whisper, "I've been judging you since we first met."

He laughs softly, a whisper of the real thing. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

I shrug. "Every family sucks in their own way."

He frowns. "Even yours?"

I smile. "Sure. I have two older sisters, Lana and Lexi, and they're twins, so they do everything together. They're the biggest troublemakers I've ever met. It's so annoying. They're always pulling pranks on me. I hate them for it most of the time. It's hard for me to get through a conversation with them without us bickering or full on fighting but..." I sigh. "But now that I've spent almost a month away from them, I realize how much I actually love them. Not despite all their mischief, but because of it. They suck, but I love them for it."

"Are they your only siblings?" He wonders, seeming to have forgotten about his parents.

I shake my head. "No. I have an older brother, Jake."

"Tell me about him," he says.

I comply a little too easily. "Jake is... the best person I've ever met. He's my hero. He's smart, but he doesn't let it get to him and he never makes you feel dumber than him, even though you are. He's funny but not in the way that's mean. He always knows the perfect thing to say or do. He walks into the room and the place just lights up."

"You seem really fond of him," Luke notes.

"I am." I smile. And then it disappears, just as quickly as it had come. I'll never get to see Jake again, I realize. It hasn't really hit me until now.

Luke puts a hand on my knee. "You'll see him again," he promises.

I look up at him. "How do you know that?"

It's night, but the sky is clear and the moon full, and his eyes look like the ocean right now. His lips pull up in an easy smile that I know is meant for me. My breath comes quicker as I become fully aware of his fingers on my leg and the lack of distance between us.

"Because," he tells me, "whatever or whoever you're running from doesn't get to win. You're stronger than this. You can beat this. And when you do, you'll realize that there was nothing to fear the entire time, and you'll go home and be with your family again. You'll see Jake and Lana and Lexi and never have to leave them again."

I don't understand why he believes in me. A part of me knows it won't make a difference. But the majority of me is too busy memorizing the green and blue hues of his eyes that mix together to make a certain shade that isn't green and isn't blue but something in between that's completely stunning.

"Luke!" Thalia.

We both look up, Luke pulling his hand away from me as he does so. Thalia and Annabeth near us. Thalia looks both relieved and ready to strangle Luke.

"I thought we lost you--I thought you ran off..." She's out of breath from panicking.

"It's okay, Thalia," he assures her. "I'm okay."

"El?" She looks at me.

I wasn't okay. Not since I left home. But sometime after finding Luke and memorizing the details of his face did I realize that yes, I would be okay again.