Heart of a Traitor

7: You'll Be Back

Time passes more quickly now. As the days stretch into weeks, I forget about my worries. I find myself smiling more. Annabeth quickly becomes my best friend. I begin thinking of Thalia as my older sister. And Luke... he manages to put a smile on my face every time he's near me. It's some kind of magic.

The leaves begin to fall. The sun grows lazy, rising later and later each morning. We make our way back to New York, making it all the way to Lake Ontario in just under a month. Thalia pulls me aside one morning as we walk along the lake.

"Can I ask a favor?" she begins.

"Depends on the favor," I laugh.

"Tomorrow's Annabeth's birthday," she tells me, "and I wouldn't ask this of you otherwise, but she's turning eight, and I want the day to be special--"

"Just ask," I say.

"Will you buy her lunch?" She cringes, like she's afraid she's asked too much.

"No," I tell her instantly. "That's asking too much, Thalia. I can't do it."

She freezes. I watch as her face falls.

I can't stop myself from throwing my head back and laughing. "Thalia, of course I'll buy her lunch. I'll even let you and Luke come along, too, since I'm such a nice person and all."

"You don't have to--" she begins.

"Thalia." My tone makes her stop. "Why are you freaking out? You don't freak out about anything."

"It's just..." She switches from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable. "The money... I don't want to overstep--"

"It's not a bomb," I tell her. "Bringing it up won't kill anyone. And as far as being worried about overstepping, you don't need to. If there's ever anything you need that I can get for you, just ask. I'd be more than happy to help."

"Really?" She sounds surprised. I try not to take offense to that.

"You've saved my life more than a few times, and you really think I won't spend a few bucks for you?"

A ghost of a smile appears. "Thanks, El."

I smile back. "Of course. Now tell me about Annabeth's favorite places to eat..."

In the end, Annabeth has a good day. The four of us go to an Italian restaurant in Rochester. Annabeth lights up when the waitress brings her a single serving of ice cream in celebration of her birthday. Thalia and Luke give her a camera--something I helped them get just a few hours prior at the nearest Best Buy store. Annabeth is glowing when we leave the restaurant.

"Do you want to go see a movie?" I ask to no one in particular as we walk down the street.

Three pairs of eyes flick to me in surprise.

"Really?!" Annabeth exclaims.

"You don't have to--" Thalia and Luke say at the same time.

"It's Annabeth's birthday," I say, "so I think she should decide."

Her eyes widen. "There's this movie that just came out that I've been wanting to see for forever! It's called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone--"

My heart clenches in my chest. I'd been having the time of my life for the last three weeks. And just like that, it was over. Harry Potter. Jake was obsessed with those books. I'd promised him I'd see the movie with him when it came out.

"Alright." I force a smile onto my face. "We'll see that one."

I don't enjoy the movie. How can I when I see Jake's eyes in Harry's? Or when Hermione's sassiness reminds me of my sisters?

...

I dream about them that night. They stand over my grave and weep. Even my mom is there. But Jake doesn't cry. He can't bring himself to. And somehow I know it's because he's angry with me. Angry that I ran away without warning or explaining why. Angry that I broke my promise to him. Angry that I didn't let him say goodbye before getting myself killed by the evil Lord of the Titans.

Luke shakes me awake. His eyebrows are pulled together in concern.

I catch my breath, and when it comes out shaky, I realize that I'd been crying.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Luke mouths, careful to not wake Annabeth and Thalia.

I nod as I wipe my tears away.

We walk in silence for a long time. Luke takes me to the woods, moving like he knows exactly where he's going. I follow him silently, trying not to think about my family.

When we're at least half a mile deep in the woods, Luke faces me. "I try to be the older brother to Thalia and Annabeth."

I don't know where he's going with this.

"You have an older brother," he recalls. "You know what it's like. You look up to him, expect him to protect you. You think he's invincible, right?"

I shrug. I guess. It's hard to imagine anything hurting Jake.

"But we're not," Luke tells me. "I'm just as scared as Annabeth out here. The only difference is I try to hide it. But sometimes I can't. Sometimes... it just gets to me and I can't hold it in any longer. So, instead of breaking down in front of them, I come here. And I just scream."

My eyebrows raise. "Really?"

He nods. "It helps, believe it or not. And here I don't have to worry about anyone seeing or hearing me." He sighs. Pauses. Then adds, "I know you don't like to talk about why you're out here, why you left Home. But I can see that it's getting to you and I don't want it eating at you."

"So... you brought me out to scream," I realize.

He gives me a faint smile. "I can do it with you if that'll make you feel better."

I don't say anything. I don't know what to say.

Suddenly he's screaming—an angry, obnoxious thing. When he finishes, he's gasping for breath. He looks at me, waiting.

I try to scream, but it just comes out as a whine. I'm too self-conscious. So he screams with me. I do it again, louder this time. The more sound I make, the more I feel a weight lift from my shoulders, like I was carrying the weight of the world and now I'm not.

When we finally head back to the streets, I feel lighter. The memory of my family still hurts, obviously. But it feels bearable now. I no longer feel like the world is caving in on me. And I have Luke to thank for that.