Trying not to die

Starting t? And depression/dysphoria

So on my 17 birthday (January 31) I had an appointment with a doctor that works with trans kids/teens and the appointment went well, she said she wants to talk to my mom so the next appointment we all talked about what t does to the body and my mom told me last year around Christmas I would have to wait to start t at 18, but after hearing everything my mom said she will consider it but we have to go to a counselor together. I'm so happy and hoping she really means it also I hope I can start t by may or June this year. My mom said she doesn't care what I will look like or sound like she just has problems with the pro nouns and name change but she will try.

I've been more depressed and crying more than usual. I also have been having really bad chest dysphoria than I normally have. Life just really sucks and I just feel like giving up, I want to cut almost everyday and I want to die. I need to talk to a counselor but I have to wait to April 17, so let's hope I make it tell then without cutting myself or attempting to kill myself.

Also the doctor I saw put me on a new birth control pill to stop my man period and so far it's working and is helping me lose weight so I guess that's good.