In the Club

CHAPTER 7

Ungjae POV

I feel something wet trickling down my hand. When I look at it I see the blood pooling out from my knuckles. Wow I really did a number on them when I punched the wall. I'll fix them later. Right now I needed to breathe. I could feel how anxious my heart was to have let Taeho leave. All I wanted was to hold him in my arms and let him know how much I loved him.
But he needed to know for sure his feelings for me; I couldn't force him to love me.
I looked at my watch to count the hours till 7 tomorrow. It was about 10 at night. So about 18 hours. What was I supposed to do for 18 hours? I definantly couldn't sleep any time soon. All I could do was lay down on one of the lawn chairs and wait for Taeho to return. Maybe I should make a trip to the dorm. That sounded like a good idea. I needed to clean up my hand anyways.
As I walked into the dorm I heard Jian yell, "Hey, Ungjae is that you?"
"Yeah I'm home. What's up?" I take off my shoes and head into the room that is shared with Jian, Sang, and Jeup.
"What's up?" I lean in the doorway as Jian gets dressed from his shower.
"I have waited long enough, you and Taeho need to start getting along again. It's been weeks Ungjae! There is going to be a rift in the team if you guys don't figure this out. I talked to Taeho already. He says you guys are working it out."
Ungjae nods.
"Good, the rest of us don't know what to do with ourselves reciently." Jian finally noticed Ungjae's bloody hand when he looked down. "What did you do to yourself? Goodness Ungjae you're whole hand is a mess." He picks it up to examine it.
Ungjae quickly pulls his hand out of Jian's. "I may or may not have punched a wall earlier. But don't worry about it."
"Why in the world were you punching walls at this time of the night?" Jian puts on his dad face and crosses his arms in front of himself. "Did you fight someone?"
"I said don't worry about it. It was nothing and also don't worry about Taeho and I. We are figuring things out." I smile and put my arm behind my back to keep it out of sight out of mind.
"The two of you give me wrinkles. From worrying too much." Jian rolled his eyes and shooed Ungjae out of the room. "Go, fix up your hand."
I don't need to be told twice. I hurry to the bathroom where I know the first aid kit is. As I am washing the pebbles out of my hand Sang walks into the bathroom to take his shower.
"Will Taeho be coming home tonight?"
"What do you mean?" I am confused at his question.
"I know you think you guys are all secretive. But the whole team knows. We just pretend not to know to let you guys have some privacy." He hangs up his towel and lays a hand on my shoulder. "But it's okay, we support you guys. Whatever decision you make, it will all turn out okay."
I just stare at him with my mouth wide open. They knew the whole time? Well, shit. At least now we won't have to worry about telling the group. Plus now all their side comments made sense.
"I- but- when-" I couldn't decide what I wanted to say first.
"Remember, whatever happens it will be okay." Sang then hops into the shower.
It was going to be awkward if I kept trying to talk to him through the shower so I just let it be and wrapped my hand. I would have plenty of time to ask him about it later.
I headed into the room that Taeho and I shared. I lay down on Taeho's bed. What if he convinced himself that we shouldn't be together. Could I be just friends with him? Would my feelings let me? As I think about it the more I think the more I know that Taeho held my heart in his hands and he could break it if he wanted to. He had the power right now to ruin me. I just could not believe I had let myself love him so much. It was as if being away from him had only made my heart grow closer to him.
I got lost in my thoughts as I continued to remember being with Taeho. I remembered all the times I would hold him in my arms as we'd talk as a group or when he'd turn to me, laugh, then hit me playfully because I said something stupid. I remembered one time, we were just sitting around waiting to film our music video, and this was back when I was first discovering my feelings for Taeho. I would tease him endlessly. I'd tease him about his hair; I'd tease him about his height. Anything was free game. But on this particular day I was tickling him and we ended up laying down on the couch. He had laid his head on my shoulder and I leaned my head to lay it on his.
I remember saying to him for the first time "You're my best friend Taeho."
I chucked to myself as I thought of his reply, "Dang right I am your best friend. Who else would do the crap I do for you?"
Ever since then we had been inseparable and my feelings for him as more than a friend had also grown.
I looked at my phone. It had been 5 minutes since I had last looked at my phone. Ugh what did Taeho expect me to do for all this time? Slowly slip into insanity as I waited? I was leaning in that direction.
I grabbed at his pillow and hugged it to me. Taking a deep breath in as I remembered his smell. I could feel my muscles start to relax. Maybe I was going to be able to sleep after all. My eyes close as I feel myself falling into dreamland.
"Wake up, wake up Ungjae," It's Taeho's voice. I struggle to open my eyes, but Taeho isn't there.
"Taeho? Taeho where are you?" I hurry to get out of Taeho's bed. I can hear his voice faintly but I can't tell where it's coming from.
I sprint out of our bedroom to the hallway. As I look both left and right I can see both ways look endless.
"Ungjae!" I hear Taeho shout. But it's muffled. I take a guess and head to the left.
"Taeho I am coming!" I shout down the hallway. Hopefully he can hear me.
As I run for what seem like hours without any progress, I finally see a door approaching. I stop and decide to go through it. As I go through the door the scenery changes around me. I am walking out on to the roof of the company and there is Taeho leaning against the edge of the waist tall wall. He was looking out over the city.
I run to him and turn him around. I look him up and down to make sure he is okay, his expression is empty. "Taeho, are you okay? What's going on?" I can feel myself start to panic. As I move him his expression doesn't change from the blank expression I had first seen.
I cup his face in my hands, "Taeho?"
It was like I had flipped a switch. He reached up to pull my hands away. He was showing the first emotion since I'd seen him, disgust. I take a shocked step back.
When he finally speaks his voice is filled with venom and loathing. "What are you doing? You thought I could actually love you? I'm not like you. I could never feel that way about you. It's best that you forget that any of the past couple months happened." He turned his back toward the railing.