My Forced Abortion

"The doctor"

"You're taking me to the doctor?" I ask with doubt in my voice. "Yes. We need to get this thing out of you." My eyes start to water and I start to choke on my words of anger and fear. "But I thought we were going the adoption route?" She shook her head and said "well, yeah but I can't let you give birth and go through that. What if you don't want to let go? What if you get too attached? You know, all of the what if's start popping up in my head" I lay my seat back and put my headphones on before I start crying uncontrollably. I can't even think right now. I hate myself. This is all my fault. I'm such a terrible person. I slow down my breathing before I have an anxiety attack. I look up from my phone screen just as we're pulling into a "women's clinic" my heart drops immediately! I can no longer breathe and at this point it might be a good thing. She took me to an abortion clinic! The parking lot is crowded. When she finally finds a parking spot, and we get out of the car, there are a lot of hippies with signs. I couldn't even focus on what the signs were saying, all I could think about was my baby. As we get in, the lobby is small and there are a few open seats. "Go find us a seat, and I'll get you signed in." My mom said. I still couldn't grasp what exactly was going on, so I just do as she said. Two seconds later, she walks away from the window and sat down next to me with a clipboard with a few papers on them. "Here fill these out" she said as she hands me the clip board. "Yeah, k" I said. As I look at the first sheet of paper, it was just asking basic information. (Name, age, etc.) and on the next sheet is where I had my breakdown. "How many abortions have you had" what? I hand my mom the clipboard back because I can't breathe anymore. That word is so harsh, so blunt. Why would anyone want to abort an innocent baby by force? I quickly snap out of my panic attack as my mom gets up to go turn in the clipboard to the receptionist. Five minutes later they call my name. I take a deep breath and walk towards the door being held open by a nurse. "Hi Wynter, how are you?" The young lady asked. "I'm not really well I guess. I don't know" I stuttered over those words as I followed her to the back. The environment back there was so overwhelming I was fighting back tears because I knew what happens back here. "Have a seat here" she said pointing to a chair on the wall. It was less than fifteen minutes of anxious waiting when she came back and directed me to a room. She told me to change from my clothes into a hospital robe, and she left. I looked around the room as I kicked off my shoes, it's pretty big, there's a bed, an ultrasound machine, a couple of cabinets. As I finish changing into the robe, I climb onto the bed. I lay my head down and stare into the ceiling slowly taking deep breaths. My heart is racing, and the baby is kicking. "I know little one." I whisper as I rub my hand over the movements. *knock knock* "come in." I say. My doctor walks in, she's an older woman with curly white hair. "Hello Ms. Wynter! How are you today?" She almost exclaims. "I'm um confused and scared." I murmur. "Well I'll assure you that there's nothing to worry about, we'll do our best to make you feel as comfortable as possible okay?" She is too happy for me but I just go with it. " k" I reply without much hesitation. She adjusts me in the bed so that I'm laying right, and she walks over to the ultrasound machine and powers it on. She picks up a squirt bottle with clear jelly in it. "This might feel a little cool" she says as she squeezes the jelly onto my big belly. It was actually cold and not cool but whatever. Anyway, she picked up the probe and rubbed it onto the pile of jelly on my belly. I hear her playing with the cursor trying to adjust the picture. "Here's the face." She shows me a picture of my baby's face. I felt so happy. "Is it a boy or a girl?" I asked with hope. "Unfortunately I can't tell you that, we don't have the equipment to reveal the gender." She said. I felt a tear in the corner of my eye slide down my cheek. "Well alright, I'm gonna get these printed out and in the meantime you can go ahead and get dressed." She walks out quickly. I can't fight my tears anymore so I just burst into tears as I'm changing clothes. I felt like this was it for my baby. I don't want to say goodbye, I can't say goodbye. It's MY BABY. I love my baby. As I finish putting my left shoe back on, I open the door and go back out to the waiting room with my mom. At this point, I didn't care how puffy and red my eyes were. I just wanted my baby. I hated my mom for this. I hated everyone in the clinic for wanting to do this to their unborn. The doctor calls my mom back, I didn't want to follow but she made me go anyway. "Hello Mrs. Graham, I have some bad news. Unfortunately due to how far along your daughter is, we will not be able to preform the procedure. It's illegal, she is now a full-term pregnancy." "Okay, thank you anyway!" My mom said to my doctor and we left. Fortunately for me, I was able to keep the ultrasound pictures.