My Forced Abortion

Hopefully

We get in the truck and pull out of the clinic parking lot, my mom seems frustrated. "Why did you wait so late to tell me!?" she exclaimed. Honestly, something just told me to wait until I couldn't hide it anymore. " I dunno." I just wish I could hold my sweet baby right now to be honest. Feeling him or her kick is very exciting to me. I love my baby. "Wynter, you haven't been taking prenatal vitamins, you don't even know if it's healthy or not. Did you even tell the boy? Do you like him? Will he be supportive of the baby?" I didn't think about any of that. I was just being completely selfish in this situation. I haven't thought about what's best for the baby. I don't want the baby to grow up in a broken home, I don't want to be in this alone. I let a guy who doesn't give a crap about me, get me pregnant. I need to tell him, I thought. 

       When we got home, I just quickly walked into my room and closed my door. I quickly unlocked my phone and got on Twitter to message him. I need to know if he's really going to be there for the baby. I need to know if this is what he wants also. This is how the conversation went. 

Wynter: hey...

Jackson: sup...

Wynter: can I talk to you? It's really important...

Jackson: ya

Wynter: So, I'm pregnant. I know it's yours because you're the only guy I've had sex with. 

Jackson: lol. nah. i can't have kids. my nut don't work. it's not mine. 

Wynter: seriously Jackson?? You have to be kidding me! The baby IS yours! you think i just go around having unprotected sex with every guy here? 

Jackson: whatever. look I'm busy. go find the baby's dad and tell him to deal with it. bye

Wynter: wow dude, you're actually doing this to me right now!?

Jackson: girl, go bug someone else with your problems ok? i told you i can't get girls pregnant because my damn nut don't work, now gtf before i tell my girl

Wynter: wow. you don't have to worry, i'll tell her for you. You ARE the dad, i'm telling you! we need to figure out what we're going to do. My mom wants to abort the baby unless you are down to co-parent. I really want to keep the baby though Jackson, so can we agree to co-parent? 

Jackson: girl, i'm getting tired of talking to you about this. i can't have kids so, it's not my kid. it's not my problem, you better go find the daddy and leave me alone.

Well, this isn't going anywhere. He's such a jerk to me. He totally told me that he didn't have a girlfriend, and now he's back with her. Guys are so dumb. But I guess I'm dumber for letting him use me. All of this comes into play if you know my personal story. I'll just tell you right now that my mom's last husband used me. He taught me that I shouldn't ever tell a man no. That I need to always give myself to any male that wants it. He took everything from me. I'll never be the same. I was only 9 years old when it first started happening and it ended when I was 16 years old. I wish my mom just believed me instead of taking her husbands side. She made me feel like what I had to say was not important to her at all, like if he meant more to her than I, her own daughter did. I hated her for it. When I finally built up the courage to tell her, her first response was " why did you let him do that to you? He was my husband, you knew you weren't supposed to be doing that with a grown man. You are so gullible, you believe anything anyone tells you." And honestly, that really hurt me. Do you think I had a choice? She's making it seem like I was consenting to it. I was  minor, I couldn't consent to sex with a 34 year old man who YOU married too soon, who YOU brought back from overseas with you. She was basically not taking any responsibility for the whole situation. There WAS a year-long CPS case open about it,  but on the court date, she told me to tell my lawyers that I was making the whole thing up. I couldn't believe this. Until this day, I still have traumatic flashbacks.  I will never look at sex the same way again. Jackson was basically my "first" since I consented to it. Even when Jackson and I did it, it was very painful and traumatic because I was having flashbacks. I wish I could just forget everything.