My Forced Abortion

What next?

I run downstairs to my moms room with my phone in my hand opened to the conversation between Jackson and I. "Mommy, he's such a jerk! He's completely denying the baby is even his!" I exclaim as I hand her my phone. She was in the middle of her favorite TV show. I grabbed the remote off of her bed and paused her show so that she wouldn't miss anything. "See? This is what I was afraid of Wynter. I didn't want you to go through this. You're too young Wynter. I'm not being mean, I just want what's best for you. Him, he's an asshole, and he doesn't even care about you. Look at how he talks to you Wynter! He is such a loser!" I need to calm down though, I don't want to upset myself because I don't want the baby to feel my pain. " Well, what next?" I ask her with a worried, sad look on my face. She hands me my phone after she's read the conversation between Jackson and I. "Wynter, we're going on a girls trip. We're going to Albuquerque, we have some serious business to handle before this situation gets too out of hand." A girls trip? To New Mexico? Wow, I was excited already! I wonder what it's like there. "When are we leaving? How are we getting there?" I ask with great enthusiasm in my voice. "I'll book the fights tomorrow, while you're at school." She says, but for some reason, this feels weird. A girls trip? At the middle of the school year? What about my classes? What about the band? Me overthinking is making my head hurt. "Okay, well I'm going to bed, we're sleepy, goodnight Mommy, I love you lots!" I say as I hand her back the remote to her TV. "I love you too Wynter,goodnight." She says back.  As I close her door, I get this uneasy feeling in my gut. "Something doesn't feel right about this." I say to myself. "Maybe its my hormones? Maybe it's just gas?" I try to pass gas," success. Yep, it was gas. *sniff sniff* smelly gas at that." I quickly walk to my room before that stench follows me to my room. It kind of made me nauseous. 

 I take my clothes off and grab my extra-large t-shirt from my "lounge around" drawer. I'm really sleepy tonight. I climb into bed with my phone and I scroll through Twitter until I fall asleep with my phone in my hand. I already don't feel like going to school tomorrow morning. It's going to be weird seeing him there after that rude conversation we just had. I feel like he's told his girlfriend, hopefully not. That would be very awkward. Honestly, I wish he would just come around to the idea of co-parenting with me. How could you not love something you went half on making? Like I didn't make the baby alone. Moron. Maybe it's not that he doesn't like kids. Maybe it's because he has absolutely NO interest in ME. Maybe he wanted to wait until he had his life together to start a family with someone he actually loves and cares for. I know that "someone" just isn't me. I just don't want to get rid of my baby. I have really bad attachment issues. I don't get attention very often, so when I finally catch someones attention, I try my hardest to keep you interested in me. I get super excited that someone finally noticed me, so I get clingy and i have a tendency to over-share information that I should definitely keep to myself. I just can't help it though. I'm trying with all of my might to change my ways. Once again, it's not my fault that I'm like this. 

I finally drift off to sleep and drop my phone. It falls onto the carpet with a pretty loud *THUD* I snap awake after I heard my phone drop. I quickly pick it up, put it on the charger, lay back down and drift off into a deep sleep. Pregnant sleep is the best sleep. Goodnight.