Merlin: Love of a servant and hate of an enemy (BoyXBoy Third book)

Chapter Twelve: You hate me don't you?

Merlin’s POV

I sat in Gwaine’s room my mind racing. I’ve been in here for over an hour. I also slept in here last night. I know that may seem strange but I can’t face up to Harry, not yet. He still has to look after Arthur while he still hasn’t come around yet. He won’t come looking for me; he clearly knows I’m avoiding him.

Can you really blame me? My feelings are all mixed up. I thought I would have no doubt towards Arthur and this would be a straight forward answer. I don’t love you Harry but I can’t find myself saying that to Harry. I keep avoiding him and making it worse. He’ll come and find me soon and what am I going to say?

I’m worried I’m going to say the wrong thing or even worse actually consider leaving Arthur for him. I can’t do that, why would I want to do that? I love Arthur and Light, I’m king I have a happy life so why does Harry mean so much? Why am I finding it so hard to make a decision here when I shouldn’t even be considering it?

The chamber door opened to reveal Gwaine. “Gaius is looking for you by the way and Harry does seem lost without you,” said Gwaine as he came and sat down next to me on his bed.

“Thanks for this Gwaine I owe you,” I said to him.

“You’re king sire it’s the least I can do,” he smiled.

“Gwaine just call me, Merlin. I maybe King but I still feel as lost as ever. I’m still not good enough to be King or rule it. I’m failing to be King right now,” I said to him.

“I’ll call you Merlin but not because you want me to but because you’re my best friend still, Merlin even if you’re King,” he smiled to me.

“It’s the same with you, Gwaine.”

“This is the least I can do for you, Merlin. I’ve got to get back to training with Leon but consider going to speak to Harry and you need to find Gaius too,” he said to me before he left his chambers leaving me alone once more.

What should I do?

Gaius’s POV

Where is Merlin? I had sent Gwaine to find him and get him sent here but that was ages ago. I have noticed Merlin acting strange lately but I thought he would stay by Arthur’s side. Arthur should wake up soon so I want Merlin to be beside him when he does.

“Harry would you know where Merlin would be?” I asked Harry who was cleaning the floor of the chamber.

“I’m not sure, Gaius. He has been very distant the last couple of days,” said Harry.

“I noticed that too but I have no idea why he would be like that. Don’t make any sense to me. Harry can you please go and find him,” I smiled to Harry.

“As soon as I finish this floor I will,” he smiled back at me.

“Thank you, Arthur will be better soon and we want Merlin beside him when he wakes,” I said.

“Of course we do,” said Harry.

Harry’s POV

I know what I have done is wrong. I know being in love with Merlin is wrong but I wish that was the worst I had done but what I did to Arthur is way worse. I made him ill; I made him ill so I could have more time to Merlin on my own. Since I kissed him he is avoiding me. I don’t blame him.

I should have known he would never love me the way I love him but if he ever found out what I did to Arthur he would hate me forever. At the time I didn’t care my feelings took over, destroying my very self and jumped at the chance of making Arthur ill and getting him out the picture. I didn’t plan on Merlin getting hurt that was a bonus so I could look after him.

Maybe I kissed him too soon, told him too soon but I had no choice Arthur will be healed any day and I can’t make him ill again Gaius may suspect something is going on then. I have to go fetch Merlin but I got no idea where to find him and even if I find him he may just run away from me again.

I have no idea what to do. Do I say sorry? Do I forget my feelings for the good of the kingdom or let my feelings be. What would you do? Because I think I know what I’m going to do.

Merlin’s POV

I walked out of Gwaine’s chamber to crash straight into Harry. I stumbled back panicking and running back into the chamber slamming the door.

“Merlin you can’t avoid me forever!” Harry shouted through the door. He is right I can’t but I can dame well try. I didn’t speak wondering if he would just go away.

“I’m still here, Merlin. I’m not going anywhere until I talk to you,” he said. I sighed before I opened the door and I stepped back and walked over to the bed sitting on it. Harry came into the chamber and stood in front of me.

“What is the point of hiding, if you don’t feel the same way just tell me,” said Harry.

“It’s not as simple as that, Harry. You made me think bad things, things I shouldn’t think about you. I love Arthur and he is my husband and King and you’re destroying all that,” I said to him.

“I only told you how I feel. It’s not my fault if you have feelings for me,” said Harry.

Maybe he is right. How is it his fault he likes me, he didn’t give me the feelings towards him I produced them myself. What am I going to do? I really can’t think straight or know what is right or wrong anymore it’s all too much.

Harry came forward and sat on the bed next to me. “Look, Merlin you are amazing. You’re handsome and sexy as well as friendly and wise. Who would ask for more? I love everything about you and I would give anything to be with you,” said Harry.

I looked at Harry and sighed. Why did he just have to tell me that? He has just made it worse. I noticed Harry getting more close to me but I pushed him away. “No.”

“You don’t love me then?” he asked.

“I don’t know!” I shouted at him.

“You hate me don’t you?”  I looked at Harry and shook my head, even after all this I don’t hate him at all.

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Sorry these chapters are always short these days

I'm not sure y just r sorry

Thanks for reading.

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