A Vida Barco

【5】

【5】

The race had been a pretty normal one. Barely incidents. I'd been pretty bored, to be honest. Even though this might sound crazy, but yes, I got bored. Because there was nothing to fear. The high speeds - they didn't bother me anymore. If I lost my life my life, it wouldn't be bad. I saw no point in overtaking the other cars. Of course, I did overtake several ones, but there was no kick. Or a high after having overtaken a car.
I didn't care about it. That's why I got bored.

As I climbed out of the car, I was sweating. I rolled my eyes as soon as I saw the journalists running towards me.
The part I hated most. Oh my god.
They'd be asking the same questions over and over again. About something, I didn't like to talk about. And for what? For nothing. They interviewed someone who got paid for driving in circles. That was crazy. Actually, I was useless. I had no important role in the system at all.

A microphone was being held right in front of me, uncomfortably close. I looked at the man who stared at me, full of anticipation, waiting for an answer.
I didn't even know what his question was.

I was looking everywhere, but not in the camera. I tried to answer as quick and short as possible. It felt like I was mentally absent during the interviews. After a while, I saw Lorraine and Riley standing a bit aside, together with a few mechanics of mine, watching me.
I gave them a short smile before I decided that it's been enough questions.
I made my way towards the people, and my mechanics held up their hands for a high five.

"Decent race", I heard one of them say.
I smiled at Lorraine who held Riley in her arms.
"Great race, I suppose", she smiled at me.
I shrugged.
"Really rather well"
I unzipped my firesuit while we were walking in the direction of my garage.
"We just wanted to say thank you again before leaving"
My look fell at Riley who seemed to be pretty tired.
"You should thank Alan and the others. They showed you more around than I did", I laughed. We reached the garage and went inside before stopping. I took a towel.

Lorraine sighed. "But I wanted to say thank you for cheering me up", she smiled.
I felt the heat rush through my cheeks.
"What else should I've done? Actually, it was me who brought up the topic of - "
I stopped by the view at Riley.
"Nevermind"

I'd been leaning against the wall and pushed myself back up, to walk back to my trailer.
"I need to get out of this suit", I claimed and she nodded. Lorraine silently followed me. Riley had fallen asleep.

"I've been thinking", I heard her soft voice after a while and I turned around.
"Yes?"
"Are you happy yourself?", she asked all of a sudden and made me stop.
I hated when people stood in my way, but at that moment, it was me who stood in people's ways.
I'd just been shocked by the fact that she'd asked me this question.
The blood pounded in my ears. What was I supposed to say? For somehow, I had the feeling that lying wouldn't make sense at all. Lorraine was so sensitive. She for sure had an instinct for that.

"You're not", I heard her answer for me.
She was right.
"What makes you think that?", I perplexed.
She shrugged.
"What you said to me earlier was wise. But the way you were talking told me that you're not happy yourself. I don't know, I can see it in your eyes, I guess."
I raised an eyebrow at her.
"You saw it wrong, then", I murmured.
She shook her head.
"We both know that I didn't"
I didn't know what to say. She was right.

We had reached my trailer. I stopped. She placed her hand on my arm.
"You might have more money than Riley and I do, but there's something missing though", she said in a low voice. It didn't sound mean in any way. It was just a statement.
I looked down at my feet. For the first time, someone saw what was going on.
I silently nodded and looked back at her.
Riley was still asleep on her arm.
"And I don't even know what", I sighed.
Lorraine gave me a weak smile.

"Maybe we can help you one day", she said.
I shook my head.
"Nobody can help me"
It was true. Nobody could unless they were able to snap their fingers and change my life.
Lorraine just raised an eyebrow.
"Except you're a wizard and can change my life", I added.
Again, she smiled at me.
"Only you can change your life. If that's your problem, it's only you who can help", she stated in a quiet voice.

How right she was. And I knew how to help myself. But I was scared to actually do it.

"We have to leave now", I heard her pleasant voice.
I nodded.
"That's strange to say, but all the best for Riley and you. I'm glad we met."
The young mum nodded.
"It was nice to meet you, too, Chase Elliott", she said and held out her hand for me to shake.
"We'll keep watching your races. All the best for you, too."

With that, she turned around. I watched them disappearing between the people. I wanted to say so much to her, but I didn't know where to start.
Her leaving hurt a bit. Because she and her son were something new in between my monotonous days. And they had something that made me feel sympathy towards them.
I wanted to tell her that she could call me if she needed something.
I wanted to know what would happen to Riley.

But all I did was entering my trailer.

The familiar surrounding caught me immediately and got me back to where I'd been before. I hated it. And all of a sudden, I hated myself. Because I wanted to escape from my life even though there were people out there who had it way worse.

Her words echoed in my ear. I was the only one to change it. But I didn't want to change anything. Because it weren't little things that annoyed me, but my complete life. The only solution was to end this life I was living. Like Riley's dad. There would be only one difference.

.

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