A Vida Barco

【3】

【3】

From yesterday on, I knew that sadness and dissatisfaction could make sick. It made me sick. It stressed me out. Not only mentally, but physically. I felt horrible since days.
The problem was that nothing helped. Neither my dissatisfaction about my life could be cured, but my stress wasn't either.

The hand of Rick Hendrick slammed down on the table, making a loud noise. While everybody else flinched, I didn't react at all. I just couldn't. I stayed sit deep down in the chair, my arms crossed, staring at the door, asking myself when I could leave.

"Can you please say something to that?"
He was indignant.
"There's nothing to say to that", I shrugged, not making eye contact.
"Nothing to say", Rick repeated, nearly hysterical.
"You do know that you'll lose your sponsorships if you keep acting like that, don't you?"
I knew it. But I didn't care.
"He sure knows that Mr. Hendrick, please listen."
My manager desperately tried to back up my behaviour.

"He didn't feel well in the last few weeks, that's why he canceled so many appointments. I'm sure he'll improve from now on. We've been talking about this already, and Chase himself felt horrible for crying off those appointments, haven't you?"
His look fell on me, full of anticipation.
Honestly, I couldn't care less.

But instead, I just nodded. Because I knew they were expecting just that.

I heard Rick sigh.
"You should go do a checkup then. You're a talented young man, Chase, but if you keep canceling sponsoring and fan events, this will have consequences", the voice of the old man was much calmer now.

"Did you hear me?"
I still haven't had a single look at him. I kept staring at the door. My way out, oh sweet freedom. Well, it wasn't. I still was at the track.
"Yes"
I felt my managers elbow bumping me into the side. I glanced at Rick Hendrick.
"I'm sorry"

We got up, me not turning around once, just focusing on the door.
I wanted to go home. I was sick of my house, too, but it was far away from all the racing.
I felt how my manager shoved me out, pretty quickly and slammed the door shut.
I quickened my pace, nearly running down the stairs. I jumped on the ground, pulling up the zipper of my fire suit.

"What's wrong with you?", I heard him yell.
I shrugged.
"Nothing"
He had difficulties to keep up with me.
"Why are you canceling important events? Why do you leave autograph sessions too soon? Do you have any clue what that means?"
I did know what it meant.
"I know", I said, calmly while fighting my way through the crowd.
"Then why are you doing that?", he was still angry, I could tell that from his shrill voice.
"Just as I said, I - ", then I abruptly stopped.

He was still looking at me, loosening his tie a bit. Why trying to back up?
"As if you really care", I started. It was true. This guy didn't. All he did was pushing me to do something I didn't want to. Like all the others with their high expectations.
He raised one brow at me.

"Paddon?"
"You don't care about what my problem is. All you care for is your profit, and you wouldn't have any without me."
He looked at me in shock.

"That's not true! I want the best for you, that's why I'm talking until I'm blue in the face up there with your bosses!"
I laughed.
"You keep talking to them because you don't want me to lose my sponsorships. Because without them, I don't have any profit. And neither do you."

My voice rose. I was angry. Because he represented every person in my life. Everybody wanted me to do something I didn't want to. Everybody pushed me into a direction I didn't want to take.
I saw that he wanted to reply something.
But whatever it was, I didn't care, so I cut him off.
"You're fired. I don't need you"

With that, I walked off, back to my garage.
"Chase!",
I heard him calling for me, and soon I felt his hands on my shoulders.
"Wait", he gasped, looking at me.
"I know you're in some strange phase right now, it just happens...", he started, pulling me back to stop me from walking.
"What?", I snapped.
"Look, I'm your manager, what do you want? I can get it for you, no matter what."

That was such a sore point. I didn't know what I wanted.
"Nothing", I said, turning away, just to be pulled back.
"Chase, Chase, Chase...", he started, placing his hands on my shoulders. He spoke hectically.
"What do you want? Everybody wants something. Is it a new car? A new house? A new trailer? Is it a girlfriend? I know some nice girls who -"
I cut him off again.
"I want you to leave. I don't need a manager. As less as I need a new car or a new house or one of your girls."

Firing someone who was nothing but another person I had a responsibility towards gave me a high. I wish that I could fire anybody else. My team. My bosses. My sponsors. Even my parents. I wanted to fire everybody. I wanted to be on my own.

The loud engine sound made me nearly jump when I got into the garage. The big car I lost any fear for laid in front of me. Not ready yet, but soon it would be.

"Hey, Chase",
one of the mechanics said.
I shortly waved at him.
I saw Alan waving me over to him.
Mentally, I tried to focus on my work now. Even though I didn't want to. But that was the last thing I could do.
When I reached Alan, I saw that he was accompanied by a woman and a little boy.
"Meet Riley", he said and pointed at the little boy.
"And his mum Lorraine"

I didn't know whether it was the high from firing my manager or whether it was just because I had to. But I smiled at them. And for the first time since ages, I was nice to fans again. For the first time, I didn't feel like I had to be nice and saw it as a responsibility, but the little boy and the woman looking at me and Alan, with a shy smile on their lips made me really feel sympathy towards them.

"Hi, I'm Chase", I said and shook the woman's hand. I noticed that her skin was very pale and she had dark circles under her eyes. She looked pretty worn out. Just like me. The only difference was that I didn't look like that. Maybe because I still got enough sleep at night.

"Lorraine is here because of Riley. The Make- a- Wish Foundation made this possible"
I raised an eyebrow. The Make-a-Wish foundation helped children who were ill to fulfill one of their dreams. To get to do something they always wanted to do. I felt the atmosphere dropping.
I felt very sorry - actually, seeing them touched me. I wasn't used to that, especially because I'd been so distanced and cold in the last few weeks.

"Shall I show you the car, then?", I asked and looked at the little boy. His eyes were lightening up immediately.
Lorraine had been pretty quiet before, but Alan took her aside and gave her an encouraging smile.

I picked up Riley, who must've been around five or six, and helped him to get into the car. He was so amazed by everything. His eyes got bigger and bigger. He couldn't stop smiling, asking me what the different things were for.

Riley reminded me of myself when I first got into this car. On that day, I'd thought that from now on, my life would be complete. I'd thought that I got all I ever wanted. I'd thought that from now on, I'd have the time of my life. How wrong I was.

I was wondering what had happened. What went wrong? Why did I end up in the position I was, dissatisfied with my life and my surrounding.

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