Our Deepest Scars

Chapter 29

Lauren saw her girlfriend's lips form the words, but her mind refused to accept them. It was impossible. Camila couldn't leave. There was nothing that could have made her want to leave. Nothing that Lauren could think of.

Before she uttered a single word, the older girl ran through the events of the day in her head. Memories of a peaceful, happy morning, a fun and enjoyable meet and greet and a very successful show were all she could come up with. From her point of view, nothing of any significance had happened; especially not anything that would make the small girl so upset.

But Lauren knew that Camila would never say something so drastic without good reason. "Camz..." she began, ahead of realizing that she had no idea what to say to her petite girlfriend, who was sobbing with shaking shoulders and her head in her hands. Knowing that nothing she could possibly say would comfort Camila currently, Lauren climbed into the bunk beside the brunette and wrapped her arms around Camila's quavering form.

She rubbed the younger girl's back gently in small circles, whispering soft reassurances into her ear. Twisting Camila's hair between her fingers, Lauren took her girlfriend's hand and sat with it in her lap. It was better to just be here with her so she could let her emotions out, Lauren came to the conclusion.

Camila's throat was far too constricted for her to thank Lauren, but she did give the older girl's hand a quick squeeze when it gripped her own. They simply sat together, the smaller girl crying her heart out, for about ten minutes.

When she could see the younger Latina's tears beginning to subside slightly, Lauren decided to try and get her to talk about how she was feeling. "Camz?" she said cautiously, and Camila's red, tear-filled eyes turned upwards to look into Lauren's own emerald orbs.

The smaller girl sniffed before nodding softly. She knew what was coming, and the thought of explaining it to her girlfriend was giving her the worst kind of butterflies.

"I know this is probably going to be hard for you to talk about," Lauren started, giving the brunette a sad, searching look and gripping her hand tighter, "but I need you to tell me what you want to do. Do you really want to leave the group? Camz...why?" The older girl's tone grew more desperate as she went on. She looked pleadingly at Camila, who stared down at their intertwined hands.

"Well...no, I don't want to leave the group," Camila said in a slightly raspy voice from her crying. She cleared her throat and continued. "Laur, I don't want to. I can't imagine my life if I wasn't in Fifth Harmony. If I wasn't with you every day," she added softly.

Lauren looked at her girlfriend in mystification. "But...but then why did you say you wanted to leave?"

Camila rubbed her temple, feeling the telltale sign of a headache coming on. She imagined it was caused by her lengthy sobbing. Inhaling deeply, she replied, "I said I wanted to leave, but I didn't mean that. I meant that I needed to leave. Lauren, I can't take it anymore. Today made me realize that the reason I ended up in hospital and then rehab was because I'm part of Fifth Harmony. The reason I have so much anxiety and get so much hate is because I'm in this group. And I can't handle it, Laur."

She felt a solitary tear track it's way down her cheek, which was stained with mascara. Wiping it away impatiently, she looked imploringly at her girlfriend, willing her to understand.

Lauren was speechless. She didn't know how Camila could have been thinking all of this without her knowledge. The fact that the smaller girl believed that being in Fifth Harmony was the reason she had to attend rehab made Lauren a little irritated. Surely Camila knew that being in the group was not the sole cause of her mental struggles?