Our Deepest Scars

Chapter 42

"But you're not fine, Camila!" Lauren burst out, becoming exasperated with the younger brunette's constant denial of her genuine emotions. Even from looking at her, it was obvious to the green eyed girl that something was wrong with her girlfriend. Her face was paler than usual, and it wasn't just due to the soft glow of the moonlight that was reflecting upon her skin. Camila's chocolate eyes were on a permanent rotation between flashing in anger at Lauren's words of concern and looking dull and lifeless, having lost their sparkle completely.

Camila remained in her position, leaning against the metal railing for support. If she lost her balance even slightly, there was a chance that her small body could fall down to the road below, and even looking at the Latina's loose grip on the bars made Lauren's stomach turn.

"Can you step back from the railing? Please?" Lauren begged, caring only about her girlfriend's immediate safety at that moment. When Camila did nothing to abate the older girl's fears, Lauren gently touched her shoulder and pulled her back slightly from the edge.

"Why are you so worried about me all the time?" Camila snapped, and Lauren was shocked at the tone in which she spoke. All day Camila had been a little touchy, but her girlfriend had put it down to stress and anxiety from the fire, which still haunted both girls' memories every waking moment. Now though, Lauren was getting more and more annoyed with the smaller girl.

"Why am I so worried about you? I don't know, Camila. Maybe because you didn't eat anything today?" Lauren was having to force herself not to raise her voice, but the emotion and helplessness in it were palpable. When Camila opened her mouth to protest, Lauren cut her off. "I just can't believe this is happening again. You've been to rehab, you've had therapy, the girls and I have tried to help you through it, your parents have tried to help y—"

"Okay, Lauren, I get it. You think I'm fucked up in the head." Camila stepped further away from the taller girl and glared at the ground, her head still pounding. At Camila's use of the profanity, Lauren furrowed her eyebrows. But the swearing wasn't the main cause for the brunette's worry.

Lauren moved towards her girlfriend, commanding herself to stay calm. "I don't think that at all, Camz. All I'm saying is that I don't understand why you continue to do this to yourself every time something goes wrong."

"Oh my god, it was just one day! Why doesn't anyone understand that?" Camila cried out, running a frantic hand through her hair and wincing at the growing throbbing in her skull. Noticing the astounded and confused expression on Lauren's face, she decided to expand. "I wasn't that hungry at breakfast so I only ate a banana, which is perfectly normal." Lauren nodded at this; it was typical for Camila to just have fruit in the mornings. "At lunchtime in the studio, I asked Clarissa to get me a sandwich but I got distracted just after I started eating it, so I ended up forgetting about it."

"Weren't you hungry?" Lauren questioned argumentatively, her concern not in the least bit diminished. It was more the fact that Camila was refusing to eat dinner even now than the fact that she hadn't eaten much lunch that bothered Lauren so much.

"No, not really," replied Camila passively, seeing the frustrated look on the older girl's face. "I was busy writing and I just forgot about lunch. That's not a big deal."

Lauren rolled her eyes slightly. "It is when you've just recently left rehab and are now in recovery for an eating disorder, Camila. And anyway," she continued, "I'm not too worried about why you didn't eat lunch because there's a logical explanation for that. What I don't get is why you won't just come and eat with us now."

Groaning at the idea of attempting to rationalize her thoughts to Lauren, the petite Latina felt suddenly annoyed at her girlfriend's constant interference and worry. Camila wasn't a doll, and yet Lauren was treating her like she could break at any second. Opening her mouth to speak, the brunette let out all her irritations at the older girl. "Because I don't want to, Lauren! Isn't that a good enough reason? If I don't want to come and eat in the restaurant then I don't have to! Why can't you just let me have this one day as a good day?"