The Aftereffects of Byun Baekhyun: 02

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Journal entry: 02
May 3, 2012
Time recorded: 12:20 a.m.

Do you ever think about running away when the air gets too thick - so thick you could cut it with a knife?

Well, I think about running away, because being here . . . anything else would be better.

I'm sad. I'm lonely. I fail under peer pressure, and I fail at life.

It's sad. I'm sad.

So that's why I want to change. I want to break free of my small, suffocating lifestyle and embrace the unknown. I want to thrive and no longer listen to those voices anymore that always tell me how easily I could be replaced and forgotten. I want to make myself known. I want to make everyone whoever hurt me regret everything they've ever done.

I want to finally be liberated.


End of journal entry.


--


May 3, 2012


Baekhyun hoped the bruises wouldn't be noticeable. They were angry, black and blue patches of skin that littered his stomach.

Monday had been hell, just as he predicted.


Flashback

He walked with small, yet hurried steps towards the bathroom, being extra careful no one saw him.

He had been having lunch when one the bullies who always picked on him had decided they weren't happy with the days lunch, and had deemed Baekhyun worthy of wearing it. All over the front of his gray turtleneck sweater were red sauce stains from the spaghetti and meatballs. He smelled like a freaking Italian restaurant.

Small tears began to trickle from his eyes and cascade down his cheeks as he pushed his way into the bathroom. The sound of laughter still ringed in his ears as he looked at his pitiful reflection.

Silent tears continued like an endless stream of water down his cheeks as he pulled his sweater over his head and stuck it beneath the sink, rinsing away as much of the leftover noodles and sauce with little pieces of meat to the best of his ability.

Why was he always a target? What had he ever done to deserve such hatred?

As Baekhyun had been busy quietly crying and rinsing off his sweater, he didn't notice when the bathroom door opened and three boys, who were much taller and stronger than him, walked inside.

He felt them before he saw them, and soon enough he ended up on the floor with only a thin white tank top covering his upper body. His sweater abandoned in the sink with the water still running.

Baekhyun bit down on his bottom lip so it wouldn't wobble as he stuttered, "Pl-please? Leave me alone?" And then feeling braver, he said, "Haven't you done enough?"

But it was a mistake to say that, and with blazing eyes, the boy who had gladly turned him into a Italian meal to go, laughed before saying, "Oh my God, Byun! How stupid are you? Of course we're not done! We have so many more games to play with you. And this next game, I like to call 'Kick the nerd'. Have you ever heard of it? The rules are very simple. We merely have to kick you, easy right?" The bully laughed and flicked his hair back from his face before he took a step even closer to Baekhyun.

He crouched down in front of him for a moment, and said, "Now, Baekhyun, there are some rules to this game. Rule one, the only and most important rule is, you can not scream. If you scream we'll gag you and hit you harder, understood?"

Baekhyun merely nodded, tears pooling in his eyes as he silently wept and waited for that first, body-harming blow.

He was grateful when he fainted from the pain, because he could no longer feel their agonizing blows to his gut.

End of flashback.


Small tears rolled down Baekhyun's cheeks at the miserable memory.

With a ragged breath, he opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out one of razor blades his brother used to shave.

His self-abuse was only something he started doing very recently, but as he dragged that gleaming piece of metal across his wrist, he couldn't figure out why he hadn't done this sooner. With every oozing drop of his blood splashing into the sink, it felt like something extremely heavy was being lifted off his shoulders, and he could finally breathe.

It was liberating. And just the feeling he always hoped for.


Word count: 736

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