I went to my window and I watched as Shawn left and went home and it made me feel sadder than what I thought I would. I miss him already but I can't go back, I can't be that vulnerable again. I sat down and went on my MacBook and went through some old photos of me an Shawn that I saved. There were ones of us cuddling and going on dates but I found a file called "I love him ❤️" what's that? I clicked on it and there was an audio and I clicked on it and it was Shawn talking. "I love you and I will love you through everything" and that made a tear fall down my cheek knowing that he didn't and if he did, no he didn't because if you love someone you wouldn't abandon them and lie and most importantly you wouldn't cheat. From now on I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be weak, this won't bother me. I decided to invite Grace and Taylor over for a sleepover because I feel like I could use their company and surprisingly my hangover hasn't that bad. "You Alright?" Taylor asked as soon as she got to mine. "I'm fine" I replied, at least she cares. For the majority part of the evening I was fine, well on the outside I was but on the inside I couldn't help but think about what I would've been doing with Shawn right now. Would he be here instead of Grace and Taylor? We were all watching a film, me before you and I don't know what came over me but I started crying. "Isabella!" Taylor said as she hugged me and so did Grace. "What's wrong?" Taylor asked. "Shawn" I said through the tears he caused. "I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I FEEL LIKE I'M NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY AGAIN! AND EVERYDAY IT JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE AND I CAN'T MISS HIM ANYMORE! I CAN'T!! I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!! " I yelled at the top of my lungs finally letting out all the anger I'd been holding in. "I w, want him back" I said knowing that I couldn't. I couldn't be with someone who cheated and said he didn't love me, I can't.
"I uh remember the first day I met him, it was so so clear that he was the one for me, the only one for me, we both knew right away. I didn't beg him to stay, and I don't know why and as I walked away I tried to remember what we had at the beginning, he was charismatic, Charming, everything I ever wanted and everybody knew it, everybody did and I loved him, I loved him, I loved him, I loved him I fucking loved him, and I still love him but not enough, my love for him has been shattered but it's there" I said. And that was the moment I knew I could recover from this, this won't beat me.
