Not your High school drama

An irrational fear to overcome please !

After my little meeting with Mr Black a phone-call followed . Both of my parents weren't happy by the event and actually told me that if I'm going to do anything like that again I'll be back in a heartbeat .  I wasn't really happy about it either but I had to be honest it was really funny . Talking like that to a professor you hate is always a pleasure . However right now I had bigger fishes to fry and the contest was so close , so I really needed to start writing but this time it had to be right . 

In order to do that I had to keep the place clean and do my homework because the only way I could function was when my head was clean . That also gave me some material about the adult life . It was more of a fraction of what could possibly follow . But I still had to pay some bills or do chores and since there was no one else to do them made me feel like the man of the house .

When finally Friday came and I went to do my detention and the toilet cleaning I was really cranky . I had done so much cleaning the days before ...  

I got the bucket and the cleaning tools , which means two sponges a brush a spray of general cleaning , and went straight to work . I was done a few hours later . As I was strolling back to the janitor's room I found out that the theater room was unlocked and empty . I went inside and right to the stage thinking that this is going to look when I'll be finally on stage .  

 As soon as I grabbed the microphone I was frozen . What the hell happened ?! I've been working in front of the mirror for the past few days and everything working great but this is strange ! My eyes are almost watering and I can't move my legs what can I do !?

I dropped the microphone and moved a few steps behind . And for the first time I took a better look at the situation I was in !  Where did all this confidence came from ? I was never actually funny ! And I have five minutes of stage ... I started to breath heavily like I'm having a crisis , more likely because I was having a crisis ... What should I do ?!

I  went straight to the janitor's office , simply through all the crap I was carrying  and left straight home ... It was time to call it quits ! I'm starting a diet so running  at the prom night might not be as horrifying as I think it would . Just as I'm about to search for some good dieting pills a message popped on my computer . It was a message from my on line buddy  , The Orange Sausage , and he was wondering how was I doing . That's thoughtful. 

"Hey buddy are you ready for the show? " He sent me .

"I don't thin I'm doing it after all ..." I answered . 

"Why ? " he asked again . 

I wrote him what happened and my big panic attack earlier in the theater classroom . I was almost certain that he would give me the same advice . However his message was way more unexpected that I would like... 

"That's easy you can overcome this in a moment ! " he wrote me . 

" Are you kidding me so  many people are going to watch my performance and judge simultaneously... How could I overcome this ? This is the first time  I'm trying something like that. .." I wrote back to him. 

It didn't take more than a couple of minutes to answer back at me .  It was a video  explaining why public speaking number one fear globally right now . A few websites that could give me some tricks but were they enough ?

" You really think that some general advices could help me ... Nothing here even mentions stand up comedy ! " I texted him .

" What's your fear all about ?" he asked me . 

"I can't define it but even thinking about it makes my heart pounding ... " I texted him back .

" Why? You're not even close to the microphone , the event is coming for a couple of weeks and last but not least it's not a life or death situation ... Nothing bad can come after this ! We come from nothing and go back to nothing so what are you going to lose ? Nothing ! " he sent me . 

" Isn't that a Monty Python joke ?! " I sent back .

"Yes and for your own information even they are nervous before a big show or before shooting , so you better start dealing with it right now . Nervousness  will never go away so since this is not an option start working around it ! "he wrote me . 

"Wow you really have some harsh words , don't you ? "  I wrote. 

" Do you have insecurities ? " he asked me . 

" Plenty " I wrote back and there was no better words to describe it . I have insecurities about everything . 

" And what makes you thing that  other people don't have any ?" he wrote me back . 

" I don't care what other people  do ..." I answered . 

" Little fun fact ... They don't either . This is a simple amateur contest in a small city in the middle of nowhere . Start acting like it . An accounting job ,  selling position and a marketing director isn't changing the world . " He wrote to me . 

"So what are suggesting to ... They can not simply leave their lives and their works to do something more meaning full by your standards... Not everyone can be a doctor ! "  I wrote him and couldn't realize how we got here . All I wanted was taking part in a stupid stand up contest !

" I didn't say that and God forbid I never wanted to insult anyone who works in any kind of job ... All I'm saying you have to understand the position that you are and take some moments to enjoy your life . Nothing wrong with being a mathematician . But believing that you're better than anyone because of your job is despicable . Bottom line if you're in a position like this simply understand where your standing , the weight of the world isn't on your shoulders so stop acting like it ! " he wrote me back . 

I was starring his last message on my screen . It took me a while too understand what he was talking about  . I didn't know what to do so I start to read all the stuff he sent me . A light trick with too much light on your face and wearing comfortable clothes was in one of his sources . I could do that . Also thinking about what he was talking was a huge shake up . Literally nothing wrong could go wrong in the big picture . Who the hell cares about it anyway . Lt's have fun with it !