Not your High school drama

The big night

Time flew  with me writing jokes about what I was going to do and performing right in front of my mirror , reading them , correcting them anything that could do . But this time I was relaxed and excited  for the time that remained  . That was one of the tricks that really helped . Turns out your body releases the same chemicals when you feel fear and excitement. So simply by saying you're excited your brain turns to a different direction . Huge leap . 

The night before the contest I went for a sound check . I asked the specifically that I wanted too much light in my face . The whole thing took me about five seconds mostly because there were other 8 people who were also competing with me . Arnold was one of them I avoided him like in school for the past weeks . 

The following day I skipped school . I told my  parents . They weren't happy but this is the first time I skipped school in my life so it wasn't a big deal . Both of them wished my good luck . 

The time had come  . The played a song for my entrance was something old and more rock the they used for the previous guy who made a lot of noise . He was a little older than me probably a college student . When I finally got on the stage everything I had in my mind went away and when finally the music stopped I enjoyed the few wonderful and yet terrifying seconds  of silence . 

"Hello everybody my name is Clark my goal here today is to make you laugh ... " I said  . "It's really weird stand up comedy as a concept  .... A guy simply walks out and tries to make a crowd laugh , but at least we pay some attention to you ... I mean you've all been to theater like you sir . What's your name ? " I asked a gentleman in the very first row . He was guy ion his 30's . 

"Larry ! " he answered . 

"See we get to know each other .. In some other places the don't give a crap they talk to each other the whole time ... " I said and got a little laugh . That started a fire in my belly .

" Don't even get me started with monologues ... People going on and on ... " I said showing some discomfort with my voice . 

" But I'm not going to do that I'll have a chat with my friend Larry over here !" I said .

I'm a high school student , and don't get me wrong but I think insanity comes from school . And let me explain . You know Larry when you started school , you started with Math right ? ! " I asked him . 

He nodded yes . 

" You started  by adding and subtracting things . Like Larry went to a store and bought 3 apples . He went home ate 1 ... How many apples does he have now ?" I said and I took of the microphone of his stand and turned it to the people . 

"2 " They yelled with one voice !

"Wow all of smart people here! " I said that got a small laugh and a genuine feeling that everybody was taking part to it ! 

"But you're right Larry has 2 apples left . But the numbers get bigger and you can't use the same principle , yet they do ! And that's what makes you crazy . Because sitting at home and trying to solve a math problem that creates more questions that your tiny by that time brain can solve isn't helping ! Let me explain! " I said and moved my left hand in a gesture like I was actually explaining something to a small child .

"Let's take our friend Larry ! Larry went to the store and bought 27 pineapples ! "  there was good laugh " went home , ate 9 of those . How many pineapples does Larry have now ?" The crowd laughed a little more . 

"Some many questions were because o this little math problem .Where should we start , Larry bought 27 pineapples ? Why is he trying to find the house of Spongebob  Squearpants ? " got a big laugh on that one ! " First of all you never buy 27 of anything and simply walk away ! I'm pretty sure that would raise some eyebrows . The manager would be googling  if you can make a bomb out of pineapples before you're good to leave the store . Because seriously when was the last time you bought 27 of anything ! " That got a laugh too !

" But later you will find out that Larry went home and ate 9 of them ! Now you have to question yourself were 27 enough?!" That got a laugh too. 

"Because if Larry could eat 9 pineapples in one sitting you realize that probably tomorrow he had to go back and buy another 27 ... Even more eyebrows would be raising ! That craziness  is going on and on and you end up with more question than the problem itself ! And it's all because of you Larry ! " That got a good response . I paused a little so I could feel the atmosphere ,everything was going okay!   

"But school has some easy things to learn ! I mean history ... You read and memorize facts !That should be easy !" The crowd got quiet . I moved a little to the left and for the first time could take a good look of the place . I was bigger than I remembered . With all those people starring at me on the stage suddenly I froze . My leg start twitching so before I lose any  of my coolness went straight back to the light ...

" So ...um ... History people should really take a look at it !I mean this isn't the first time a nation follows a man with crazy ideas and a bad haircut ! " That got a big laugh ! I was aware that  Trump-Hitler jokes are a little overdone by now but it was really easy .

"Have you seen that thing it's like it has his own mind and everything ... It's basically the first thing you and then you ask yourself does this guy have a face ? " that got a warm applause .

"But do you know which class I hate the most Larry ?" I asked Larry who nodded no .

"P.E." I said with a sarcastic tone 

"I mean they say run ... Yet nobody is chasing us !? People say a work out is good for you but I don't do it ... You know why ? Because I hate working even if it's simply out ! " That got a small laugh .

"And turns out the best way to keep your healthy is simply by eating properly ! So don't eat 9 pineapples in one sitting Larry if you want to lose weight ! " That got a big laugh and an applause ! 

"I was Clark Thompson ...Thank you very much ! " I said by raising my voice and the same song that played before I got on to the stage started so I could move out ,It felt great ! And the last applause was decent ! I might have a chance ...