A Day For Tomorrow

Chapter Three

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ricky asks quietly. I can't even look at him with the shame I feel. I've been in this hospital bed for a couple days now, I wasn't going to tell him ever, but Sam couldn't keep his damn mouth shut.

"I don't know." I answer, the guilt eating away at me.

"You don't know? You have no idea why you couldn't just simply have someone give me a call, or, god forbid, let Sam say something?"

"I'm sorry Ricky." I feel like a child that just got caught doing something he shouldn't.

"I just lost my mom, Luke. Do you think I could handle losing you too? You can't just be an idiot like that!" He snaps, voice cracking a little as he speaks.

"Look I'm sorry, dude! I know I did something stupid! I wasn't thinking straight! I wanted to tell you, I would've told you, but I felt guilty! I couldn't even be there for you when you needed me the most! It fucked me up! Sam could take time to help you, Angie could spend all fucking day and night with you, but I couldn't even answer my phone? Fuck, man. It fucked me up! Name one time I've ever helped you out." I edge on, finally meeting his eyes. Without hesitation he begins listing off things.

"You're the only one who I've talked to about Angie, and you fucking listened to all of my bullshit. You were always there when I'd call you up needing a place to stay, when I showed up at your door covered in bruises. You took me to the hospital when I had alcohol poisoning the first week of turning 21. You helped me apply for my first job and taught me how to manage money and pay bills and taxes. I can't expect you to always be there for me, you go through shit too that I don't even know about! You're my best friend, I don't blame you for anything that happened that night." I look away again and bite my quivering lip. I'm such a crybaby. "I've never been there for you, Luci. I'm so socially inept that I never knew how to even ask to help you. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"What I go through is nobodies business. I can handle it all by myself." I growl.

"Obviously you cant." Ricky spits. His words hit me harder than those men in the alleyway did and tears spill over my eyes lids. I turn away more from him and try to steady my breath. "You can't even look me in the eyes." He scoffs. "Why don't you just look at me? Huh? Is facing your problems too 'scary'? Did your mama raise a little bitch?"

"Fuck you!" I shout, facing him again. His eyes soften at the streams running down from my eyes. "You have no idea what the fuck I've been through! My life has been hell!" The door to the room suddenly opens and a nurse walks in.

"You're able to check out whenever you like Mr. Ivoli." She says softly, exiting without looking up from her clipboard.

"Why don't you tell me then?" Ricky asks. I wipe my face dry and sniffle.

"I... I can't." I whisper out.

"Why not?"

"Because that makes it all real and I don't want it to be real." I finally admit.

...

"I can't do it!" I shout, sobbing into Rickys shoulder. We had left the hospital hours ago by now and were sitting on my bed.

"Yes you can, come on." He pushes gently.

"I can't! I fucking can't!"

"Luci, you can. Just take some time to calm down and breathe. I'm not rushing you dude." He assures.

"Fuck, I need a drink." I mutter, pulling away from him and wiping my face.

"No you dont. Remember what happened the last time you drank?"