Lighter

t h i r t y

we are golden because we're alive,
we are nothing without our g o o d b y e s . . .

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I vividly recall dreading my high school graduation. Practically everyone surrounding me all throughout those years was the complete opposite. They were counting down the hours, minutes, seconds probably, until we were free, off to college, grown up with our own lives. I, for one, spent most of my time being a teenager wishing that the day never came.

It was all because I knew my mom wasn't going to see it happen. She always talked about it when I was young, hyping it up to be one of the best things I'd ever experience. It was bound to feel wrong without her there. I knew the whole day was just going to be me hearing sentiments like "she'd be so proud of you" or "she's watching it right now". But how did I know that?

At that age, where everything seems a hell of a lot worse than it actually is, it was depressing. I went through the motions exactly as we'd practiced one time prior to the ceremony, plastered a smile on my face that never made it to my eyes for most of the pictures, and then it was all over.

College graduation would be different. This was evident when Ronnie invited me to come to his.

When I walked through the doors of the banquet hall with Mr. Simmons where the ceremony was taking place, the atmosphere changed immediately. It was an untroubled kind of vibe that hit you as the impending graduates and tech school staff, family members, and friends all wandered around the room.

I tugged at the skirt of my black skater dress, short sleeved with a tiny tie around the waist. It was hanging somewhere in my closet, unworn and yet so cute. I felt it'd be perfect for this since it wasn't quite as formal as a typical, larger university graduation, but it was still a special moment in a special person's life.

Following Ronnie's dad to one of the round tables that were scattered all over, we chose our seats across from a couple with their two younger children. They barely noticed us when we sat down, too engrossed in their own bubbly conversation. Twenty minutes until the ceremony started and the chatter in the room didn't seem like it would ever end.

"It feels like he just started and now he's already done. I can't believe how fast time flies," Mr. Simmons said incredulously, shaking his head with a soft smile on his face.

"Well it was only a year-long program, right?" I asked, crossing my fake-tanned legs under the table and facing him a little more. "I'm guessing it went by pretty fast for him too."

"True," he agreed, his head nodding solemnly now. "I'm proud of him. He had no idea what he wanted to do after high school, and I felt so bad for the kid, you know? I felt like I had to give him some time to think about it, but not too much or else he'd never go. I know how he is. I just wanted him to get a degree in something, to have that college experience under his belt. Just because you never know where you're gonna end up and some places really do look for that diploma on your resume. At the end of the day, I'm glad he got done what he needed to."

I let out a breathy chuckle, replaying a memory in my mind as I folded my hands on my lap and leaned back in my chair. "I remember when I first met Ronnie and I asked him about school. He didn't seem like the biggest fan."

"Nah, he wasn't. He never was, to be honest," he smirked, continuing to keep it lighthearted as he aired out his son's dirty laundry, and I admired him for how he could talk so easily about any topic. "There was a point where I thought he wasn't gonna make it through high school. It scared me. I would think it'd scare any parent, really. I mean, at the time, we were dealing with some tough stuff, so I guess it makes sense why he behaved the way he did. But regardless, I'm grateful he ended up to be the way he is, given everything he's been through."