The first time I truly wanted to die was when I was nine years old.
My mother and father were questionable parents; very questionable.
abused sexually and physically by many people and they weren't my parents.
I was angry.
I was extremely depressed, so much so that I got really sick and started to lose my hair.
It even lost its curl.
I screamed and cried at my mother.
I ran away from home.
I tried to hang myself.
I threatened i'd stab myself in front of her as I held I a kitchen knife to my stomach, I brought it up to my neck and pressed down on it hard.
Blood rolled down my neck from the cut I had made, but she wasnt fased.
I constantly cried, I could no longer walk, she didn't even care.
Didn't give me medication, bring to the hospital, or even ask if I was okay.
I prayed until I gave up on it.
I wanted to die so badly.
I was nine years old but I couldn't take the pain any longer.
I hated her.
I felt so alone.
But before any of that happened I was so afraid of breaking gods laws I didn't even think about dying or killing.
My family was extremely religious so I was a very well behaved girl so having all those darkening thoughts and actions was suprising.
That time has haunted me ever since.
On that day I grew a little darker.
Ever since that event I've only gotten worse. The one thing I regret not doing on that day is killing the person who made me feel so malicious towards my self and others.
She's also the reason why I hated lesbians for many years.
And no she isn't my mother.
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This is actually sort of a poem and a story at the same time. Its all true happened when I was little. The story gets worse but I didnt want to get into to much detail. It was the first time I went through deep depression.
YOU ARE READING
Dirty Petals
Poetryfree verse poetry, well mostly free verse. I don't usually go by any poetic devises at least not purposely. I just go with the flow. I write my feelings on paper but in this situation on my touchscreen or my laptop keys. I write poetry ALOT but that...
