I'm not sure what I am, gender wise at least. Sexuality I've got down - pan if you were wondering-. I know that I'm fine with that, I am not however comfortable with how I look. In more than just a common don't like my hair color and the stomach pudge. My mind doesn't really connect what I see in the mirror with how I see myself in my head. In my head I have short hair and a side shave, and I'm way more flat chested than I am. The mirror shows hair to long despite what my mother says and the rest of my body is way to feminine. Which I'm working to change.
It wasn't until a couple years ago that I even heard of LGBTQ+ or SAGA as I've also heard it referred to. Ever since I've been trying to learn everything I can. And when I recently stumbled across the magical realm of genderqueer I finally felt like I could understand myself and what I've been feeling.
I'm working with some friends - in secret of course- to test out ways to feel more myself. I in a way came out to them recently. I told them how I felt and asked to call me by my preferred name, Dani. The way it felt to be called such, to actually have someone else acknowledge me as that was incredible! We were even able to order a binder, and make plans to cut my hair. After a week it came in and oh my gosh does it feel great. I'm still learning what I can and cannot do but just the feeling of putting it on makes up for the pain it causes. The world seems to be looking up a bit as I realize that to feel better about yourself, you need to live as yourself not as who your family wants you to be, and most definitely not in the stereotype society tries to force you in, but just as yourself.
That's why I think it's so important to incorporate a wide variety of representation in media and education, so that kids and people in general can look at something and think, hey that's me. I wish I had known so many things growing up, especially that there are more than just the extreme forms of gender conformity like little girls in pink sparkly dresses and boys out in the mud acting wild.
YOU ARE READING
Ramblings
De TodoMe trying to express myself in written word so that I can speak what I feel. Randomly inspired clips of my life that will probably be written at odd hours of the night. (The awesome cover was done by ILoveMusic060803)
