Mermaid Melody Fanfic: My 18th Birthday

4th Chapter: The Conversation

Instead of waking up to the sound of an alarm clock, I hear Kaito's melodic voice whispering in my ear the words "good morning". I couldn't believe my senses as I found out what position we slept in. His body was behind mine and his arms were hugging my belly.

When his head fell unto his pillow, I quickly composed myself, sitting on the comfortable mattress. His arms unwrapped me and were placed under the pillow. His eyes were fixed on me. I don't understand why I distance myself from him when I feel fulfilled in his arms like we were complete. Why did I distance from him right now?
I was curious to see his facial expression so I looked back. He looked concerned and disturbed.

"Why do you keep rejecting me? You know I love you and that I wouldn't do anything against your will. So why do you suspect me?"

When I first heard him he sounded happy and just very excited for someone that didn't wake up just recently and now his tone of voice, and even aura, reflect a different appearance of his personality, a part that I don't often see.

"I don't know, I just... feel like I can't be with you without feeling guilty. I need to hold you back."

"What do you think it's the reason for you to feel guilty?" he kept serious as he sat next to me and continued to stare at me. I couldn't return his look.

"I am not sure, I keep thinking that our relationship shouldn't exist but... I don't want to break up with you.", I said those words without considering Kaito's feelings, but I couldn't avoid this subject forever. Before he could say anything, I turned my eyes to him but didn't meet his, instead, his neck had dropped his head and his eyes were looking down at the white covers.

"Kaito?" I remember Hanon's comment of the past day "we don't belong here" and I needed to report this to Kaito before making assumptions about the future. "I love you Kaito and these 4 years that we spent together definitely meant the world to me but I am not a human being, like you. I am a mermaid princess and there will be a day that I will have to return home. That's why I am feeling guilty. I have been only thinking about myself and my feelings that I forget my duties and what I was made to protect. I don't want to keep leading you on and giving you something that I can't promise for the future: my presence.

When I closed my mouth I didn't know how to describe how I felt except insecure and anxious. And I didn't know how he was feeling after hearing that. Kaito was usually composed, he would hide his emotions from me with the fear of becoming weaker in my eyes. He always saved me when I was in a stressed situation and I would do the same when he "allowed" me to be the Heroine of his story, but this moment couldn't be saved by anyone and the outcome was inevitable. He had two options, stop dating me and as a result, he would continue his single life as a human and fall in love with one of his species, or choose to be with me.

I looked away when I finished speaking my thoughts. My view felt wavy and watery. I faced my head down and waited. I should say something. I should be brave enough to look at him. Why can't I do anything now?

"Luchia" I heard after a while, "I wish I could make jokes and completely ignore what you said but I can't. The fact that you have been thinking about this for a while of the four years we have been together makes me... worried. Why didn't you tell me sooner of your insecurities?", I was hesitant in answering, I just wanted to hear his calming voice. "I always feel insecure and it pains me as well because of our race difference."
I could feel the warmth of his hand in the top of mine, petting it in a calm gesture- "I am so selfish- I whispered to myself, so Kaito wouldn't hear my weakened voice. his words resonated through my ears, to not forget that I should not cry. The image of Kaito worrying about our future in secrecy and ignoring what could happen, staying with me, while I had this doubts every time I was with him made me feel the worst girlfriend to stand by his side.