Back In Time

3) "Fully awkwarded"

year 1994                                                 

I stopped running and got closer to the Centre and I could hear drums and some bass improvizations. And my heavy breathing. I was getting more and more excited not even thinking how am I going to get in in this stupid clothes I have. Just expecting the moment when the pants will fall down of my whaist with no belt. I looked around myself where I saw few stores and services with low roofs. Garage Services, Swift – carpets & flooring, then parking with work access for the Centre and so. Just went further and opened the glass door when I entered that no one stared at me like it usually is in stupid american films. Thank God. I was embarrassed anyway. I wasn't actually standing out that much among all those people and teenagers there 'cause they were all looking out of fashion. But as my style bespoke, I had no idea about fashion either. Neither I had something better to wear. Through the audience I was analyzing the faces trying to find Muse; specifically Matt's beautiful young face my eyes were craving. He was probably somewhere behind the curtains and stage. The stage was small, not like an usual stage, it had some spotlights above that were changing from red to purple and blue to yellow and green, over and over again. All the seats were taken so I had to stand. But I was more looking for Muse. I was conscious that I knew what's gonna happen here. I went to find them. I needed to meet them. It is my life dream. I want to carry it out.

Suddenly I caught three boys on the left side behind the curtains seeking something or someone. They all had long hair, one had curly and all of them were skinny and slim. Got it! It was them! I got so excited, I just couldn't believe they were there. I went straight towards them with all my braveness and they turned to me.

„Hello.“ – said the guy with eyebrow raising up. The guy had striking cheekbones, thin lips and pointy nose going down and the eyebrows were straight except one went up when his eyes found itselves trapped in mine. It was Matt. He also held his beautiful guitar. His young pretty face was watching me expecting the 'hello' back. I „helloed“ back and retracted other words. The boys were just staring at me expecting something more of this unexpected weird arrival. But I stammered, I couldn't say anything, my voice hid somewhere deep down in the silence and my words disappeared. I haven't had any prepared speech so I just kept stuttering: „I-I.. uhm.. the uhm.. I should.. the..“. Matt raised his eyebrow, secretly smiled and said: „Yes?“. I kept showing directions behind me with hands not knowing what am I doing, so yeah, I just embarrassed myself and weirdly said: „G-g-g.. good luck..“. I looked like some duck laying eggs while trying to ask for help. Except I haven't had a beak. OR MY FUCKING GIANT NOSE PRESENTS THE BEAK.

FINE, I'M A DUCK.

The man behind bespoke: „Please sit back, Miss.“ I was being asked to leave them alone. I sighed and went back. „Thanks, cuddles.“ – Dom smiled and went behind the curtain when I turned around and didn't see him anymore. The man was still standing there and nervously waiting for me to get back where I stood before. „Miss, please.“ – he warned. „Okay, I'm going, oh my God!“ – I shout too loud. Most people stared at me this time. Whatever, I don't give a shit. I just thought about Muse, telling them they're gonna win but maybe that wouldn't be okay. Because maybe they wouldn't try their best then. And if I tell them that and if they don't try hard, future can change. Then everything what is supposed to happen won't stand there and wait for itself to happen. Maybe I'm here to control things. Maybe I'm here to change them and their future. Maybe I'm here to help them. I don't even know how and why this happened!! What am I supposed to even do!!?

Back to the reality. Or should I say, fantasy? Am I even real? Is this even real? Should I be here? Am I supposed to influence here? What should I do? Should I go? Should I make some drama? Do I need to draw the attention on myself? I'm not an attention seeker.  No, I'm just gonna wait here things to happen. Just how those people wait for the Battle of the Bands to start.