insane. ➼irwin

loved.

this was the last note i ever sent to jasey

among the hundreds others

that framed her stone.

"it took me a solid three months

to get used to being alone.

with that empty spot

in the car

the coffee shop

the loveseat

the cinema seat

the right side of the bed

and in my heart.

but three months is too long, baby

three months is too much pain.

i'm not as strong as you were

and i don't think i can last

without my jasey rae.

jasey;

i know i should let you go

because nothing lasts forever.

nothing stays-

nothing waits.

christopher wants to help me achieve closure

and he says to everyone that we should always be thankful

for a life given by God

is a life taken by God:

all in a heartbeat.

but i can't do closure

closure means forgetting.

dear jasey;

you taught me one thing-

nothing else in this whole damn world

is more important than love

not even life itself.

we would never be alive if it wasn't for love

but we can still love without life.

jasey;

i'm writing this to let you know

that i cannot forget you

i will never forget you.

even when;

i reach for one of the blades you hid in your closet.

even when;

i sing you the last song that i will ever sing

harmonizing with your falsetto.

even when;

my soul rips apart as this knife rips my arm.

never, dear jasey

my sweet darling, beautiful jasey

never.

jasey;

i will meet you soon.

and that's a promise that i will keep.

i'm so sorry i promised you

that everything will be okay

when we both knew deep down that it would never be so.

i'm so sorry i didn't tell you i loved you enough.

i'm so sorry i didn't get to swerve when i saw that fucking truck.

i'm so sorry for accidentally adding sugar

into your black coffee that other day.

i'm so sorry i didn't make love to you enough.

i'm so sorry.

for everything.

i love you, jasey.

the girl who showed me that forever

comes in different forms.

sometimes they come in innocent angels

dressed in white

crowned with a halo.

but;

sometimes they come in beautiful bitter sweethearts

drinking black coffee

who sing along to songs about death.

jasey;

you are the rose to my garden.

wait for me;

please.

i can't wait to see you.

i can't wait to look at your beautiful self

and we can talk about

how we escaped our society

once and for all.

love,

ashton."