May 23rd - 2014
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I don't know how to start this, I don't know what's going to happen after this, I'm scared, but I have to do it.
As you know, I've known him for years. We became friends very quickly. He supported me when no one else did. He was with me through every single moment. He was my best friend.
But things changed.
Nobody decides who you fall in love with. Only you can decide that.
When I say everything changed I mean the meaning of our caresses changed. When everything we did ended with a kiss, blush covering our cheeks after our eyes met, the actions that show 'love' as people put it.
I needed him by my side, we always had that connection.
January 1st - 2015
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That day we came out to our company.
We were having our monthly meeting talking about promotions, upcoming albums and just how to be better as a team when he just blurted it out with tears in his eyes saying he couldn't hold it in anymore.
That was the first time the members and I ever saw him cry.
It was silent for a moment but then the members and most of the staff started clapping, meaning they supported us and I felt like my heart was gonna explode.
They supported us.
I don't remember ever smiling so big like I did on that day.
It was the new year which meant more packed schedules, less sleeping more dancing, less eating more working out, less playing around, more producing. I don't think I saw the rap line for about a week during that time.
It went on like that for a good month, I felt like I would faint every time I walked or danced but if this is what we had to go through to keep ARMY's happy then we were willing to take that risk.
Times were stressful but everything went wrong about a week later when our manager told us we had to separate.
'You have to keep your image' I remember him saying. At first we ignored him thinking he was just stressed and didn't mean it but then things changed once again.
I hate change.
They started separating us at interviews, when we needed to leave they made us take separate cars. It got to the point where we couldn't even interact with each other in front of other people anymore.
It started getting harder and harder each and every day. The members even separated us at home too. Our own house for god sakes.
I got out of the black SUV one morning after just finishing an interview and decided I have had enough. I left to go speak to our manager, I couldn't do this anymore.
I didn't even bother knocking as I entered his office. I looked at Sejin in the eyes and told him I was in love with one of my members. I will never forget the words that left my mouth that day.
'I don't care what people say because I love him. He owns my heart and he always will.."
My heart is owned by Jeon Jungkook.
