Deadly Romeo and Juliet. [2015 Watty Awards]

Suicide.

It's been a week or so since Yukio was emitted to the hospital. I heard he's awake and doing better. I can't bring myself to go see him, though I've been asked many times by Rin.

Amaimon says it would be good to see him, talk to him. I just can't get over blaming myself.

I don't eat. It's not that I can't, I just don't want to. I can't sleep unless I cry myself there. I don't really do much, listen to music is about it.

Cram school as been canceled until Yukio is better. I find it good that it's canceled while he's in recovery, seeing as I have concentration problems. I don't think I could handle any more homework. My grades are still up and good. They haven't faltered, it just takes a lot longer.

My health has progressively decreased in the past week or so. My skin is pale and more easily bruised. My eyes have dark rings around them from the lack of sleep. Luckily for me my eyes aren't red or puffy from crying and the darkness helps hide it too. Though they flash orange from time to time but I mostly have my shifting under control.

I have to sadly admit that I have tried... things, of the harming nature. I tried to hang myself several times in the past nine days. The top is three in one day.

I just really blame myself, that and I am easily depressed. Of course Amaimon has prevented my end all times.

I tried jumping out a window once. Then jumping off the roof. All to be stopped my a green haired demon.

Now I just resort to burning. I don't like cutting. I don't like the sound or feel of blades in my skin. Burning is me just torching the place where normal people cut on their wrists. So, I have various burns of varying degrees on my wrists.

After class I go to my locker and shove my books in. I pull up my head phones and blast my music. Play music by Def Leopard and other random songs.

I got to the front square to sit, not sit, with my friends. What that means is I sit with them, just off to a distance, secluded from them. I keep my headphones on and don't talk or eat. I just sit on the ground staring at my feet. People walk by give sympathetic or dirty looks. I don't really care.

Lunch ends and in the mass of people I wander into the streets. I stop at a cross walk. I stand there looking at the cars race by. I come to the solution to get in front of one. Just walk into a road full of speeding cars.

I see a bus coming and am almost in front of it when I felt two hands on my shoulders. They jerk me back from my death.

I am quickly turned around to have angry eyes meet my dead ones. He pushes my headphones down around my neck. Then smacked me.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Rin yelled at me.

"None of your damn business." I declared quietly.

"The hell it isn't! Do you know how many people are worried shitless about you?! Let's start with everyone in Cram school! Me, I'm really worried about you! Not to mention Sayuri! She's been worried sick about your ass! You don't eat or talk! You don't hang out with her and you don't sit with her! She said she's stopped by your dorm a couple of times, only to hear you crying! And don't think you skipping school has been unseen! I know because I've been doing the same the past week!" He yelled.

"Yukio would be very disappointed in the both of us." He whispered.

I looked down down at my shaking hands. They got all blurry from the water collecting in the rim of my eyes.

"And don't think the bruises on your neck or burns have gone unnoticed either." He declared softly.

Tears hit the concrete sidewalk like rain in the spring. My quiet sobs could be heard along side the sound of traffic.

"He's been asking for you, ya know? Many times actually. I just can't ever find you to get you to come." Rin explained.

That's when I lost it. Crying, with my hands cupped over my glasses to hide my face. Tears came down like waterfalls. Rin hugged me as I soaked his shirt. He told me he was taking me to see Yukio as we walked.

By the time I got to Yukio's room I had stopped crying. I looked presentable. I was standing outside his door, waiting to wake up from this whole thing. To open my eyes to see my second best friend laying in my bed. His spiky green hair and hobo clothes.

Yet, this was not the case. Rin nudged me into Yukio's room while he waited in the hall.

I slowly walked into the hospital room. Yukio appeared to be asleep, so I decided to sit in one of the chairs beside his bed.

"You can come closer, I don't bite." He stated as he opened his eyes. He grabbed his glasses from a small table and put them on.

I remained silent. I don't know if I want to get closer. I don't want to hurt him. Again.

"*sigh* Please come closer, so I don't have to yell?" he said.

I got up and sat on the edge of his bed. But I didn't look at him, I looked down at my hands in my lap.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked.

"Yes." He declared.

"I'm sorry." I apologized.

"For what? I just got some common demon poison. It's not your fault." He said.

"Not according to everyone else. It's all my fault your here, I didn't protect you." I stated in a sad tone.

"It's not. Besides, I should have protected you. You are my student. And those burns and the bruises on your neck are kinda obvious." Yukio said.

I curled my hands around my neck, trying to hide the dark discoloration in my skin. 'Yeah, your student.' I thought sadly.

"Who done this to you?" He asked.

"You don't want to know." I stated.

"But I do!" he insisted.

"I done it!" I raised my voice but not yelling.

"What?" he asked in surprise.

"I done it. I caused the bruises on my neck, the burns on my wrists, and up my arms." I stated.

"How? Why?" He asked.

"Because Yukio, being bullied by my classmates, you being in the hospital, blaming myself, and being the monster that I am is hard. It threw me into a suicidal depression." I explained.

"Suicide..." he whispered, then yelled, "Why would you do that?!"

"Because I have nothing left..." I said and the tears began again.

"You have me," He declared.

"No I don't. Your the idiot who's too blind to see who I really like. FYI, it's not your brother! It's you, it's you Yukio! I like you!" I said loudly and got up and left.

I stopped in the hall to speak with Rin.

"Thanks Rin. I feel a lot better now. Hope he's better soon." I said, then walked past him.

In the halls I saw the rest of the Cram school students and Sayuri. She tried to talk to me but I didn't listen. I just grabbed her wrist and drug her along with me.

She asked me so many question and all at once. We arrived back at my dorm. I saw a glimpse of Amaimon going out the window.

I sat Sayuri down on my couch. We looked each other in the eyes for a moment. Then I broke down. I cried on her, quite literally, sobbing on how I feel terrible, I'm such a bad person, I hurt myself, I told Yukio, he hates me, it's my fault, etc. I left out the part about demons and Cram school but that was to keep her safe.

We talked for a long time. Then she made me eat. It was just a sandwich but it was pretty good. After that we watched the tv for the rest of the night. We fell asleep on the couch.