The Ten Year First Date

The Morning After

'Christ I want to kill her. No scratch killing, I want to torture her slowly and then grab that little shit called Mrs Hawkins, rip her head off and then feed it to the bitch.' Imogen hadn't taken what I had regaled the previous night very well. It wasn't helped by the fact that she was overstressed by trying to get the kids to bed and asleep before her Super Santa act. I had spent most of the night after my storytelling clutching a bottle of Jack that had somehow appeared. It was stronger than beer and Imogen had warned Ollie and me not to touch that anyway. After downing the bottle between us and passing out with our heads in the Christmas Tree, Ollie and I weren't exactly the wonder boys come to Christmas Day. In fact, if it hadn't been for the kids, Imogen would be a lot more vocal than she was now.

'You should have come home the minute she started drinking.' Imogen continued, as she and I stood in the kitchen while we left Ollie to set up all the electronic stuff.

'I know.' I sighed. 'But I thought everything was going so well. Ok, Tower of London was a weird moment but ...I was... dunno. My head is screwed.

'Did you talk to Ben yet?' she asked, bending down to check Turkey wasn't burning.

'No not yet.' I answered. 'He keeps ringing and texting, but I don't know what to say. I don't know what he's done about Ebony.'

'Hopefully murdered her horribly.' Imogen seethed, starting to chop up some rather unsuspecting carrots rather violently. 'Or at least let Mattie do something about her.'

'Ah, now Mattie I have spoken to.' I said, pushing myself off the countertop that I was leaning against. 'Spoke to him early this morning when the twins were still in bed. Very briefly he's gone to his mum's for Christmas instead, so it can't be good.'

'Well serves her right after what she did.' My sister was not in the mood for small talk, as the poor vegetables felt her wrath. 'She deserves to be hung, drawn and quartered.'

'I know.' I sighed again.

'So, what are you going to do about Jeannie?' I knew what answer that Imogen wanted to hear was the one I was about to give, so I braced myself for the celebration.

'It's over Im.' I said, with certainty in my voice. 'I can't go back to her after this.'

'Halle-bloody-lujah!' Imogen practically dived on me when the words left my mouth.

'Whoa steady on sis!' I pleaded as I felt a crushing hug envelop me.

'I'm so happy!' she replied, as she finally let me go. 'For ten long years, I have waited for you to see the light and now you finally have. It's brilliant!'

'Ok, so I almost drank myself stupid over what Jeannie did to me, and you think it's brilliant?'

'Yes, I do.' My darling sister had a smile on her face that was broader than the Severn Bridge. 'Now, no more talk of The Witch, go in there and rescue my husband before he electrocutes himself or worse the kids.' She said, flicking me with a tea towel. I took the hint and excused myself from helping a wire covered Ollie.

Like any self-respecting adult male on a Christmas Day, after presents were opened and the twins fawned over the new mini DVD Players that they had been given, Ollie and I decided to leave Imogen to it and disappeared to the pub, all be it under severe protests from my sister who apparently wanted us to stay and look after the hyperactive six year olds in the house. But we managed to sneak out and make a run for it, despite the ground being deathly icey. There had been a faint fluttering of snow overnight, not enough for a snowball fight but enough to pick up and throw down Ollie's back to make him squirm.