1 | Almost Happy ▷ Sam Wilson | ✓

32 - MOVING TO CLOSURE

THERE WAS A SAYING THAT YOU COULD NEVER GO BACK HOME. Nicky had learned in back in high school, and it had taken him quite some time to understand it. Living with the people he had been, he had been ecstatic to hear that, yet he had to wonder what it meant for the people who didn't grow up with his situation. He came to learn that it meant that the past can never truly be recovered, no matter how hard anyone tried.

He never did, but it he ever tried to think about it, he would come to realize that this would solve all his feelings and problems about the complex, about his need to find them, give him the painful truth that he would never get back what he had lost.

However, he was unwilling to think about them, and especially not with that quote in mind, so he remained in the dark, and simply thought of the literal meaning, of how the last thing he wanted was to go see his family again.

Yet there he was, heading back towards the prison. He wondered why he was going back to see his step-brother first if he had been the only one Nicky had actually had face-to-face contact with in the past years, but that could have possibly been why. He just wanted to work his way up, and, maybe, prolong the torture as best he could.

Or maybe the waiting was the torture.

Whatever the reason, he found himself going back into the prison, turning in all his items, reminding himself to clear any traces of him going to visit his brother, moving to sit back down at a different area, picking up the phone.

"You're back," Mason said, and the clear shock made Nicky's stomach twist in pain, "I didn't think you were gonna come back."

Nicky bit his lip, wishing that he didn't care about his step-brother as much as he did. The man had told his boss about Nicky, about how he used to build all those things when they were younger. Toomes hadn't known about his job, but he was much too close to, and the threat of bodily harm had come so far enough that Nicky had to cash in Harry's offers, asking for protection until everything blowed over. His step-brother had caused all that, but the worst part was that he didn't even realize it.

He sighed, leaning back in his seat. "I didn't want to, let me just clear that up now." Mason's face fell, and he added with no major hurry, "But I came, so let's just focus on that, okay?"

Mason nodded, adjusting his phone. "Why did you come visit?"

Nicky sighed again, rubbing his temples with one hand and shrugging, "I just...closure, I guess? I don't know, the recently I've just been coming clean to everyone, and...I'm a psychologist and always talk about coming to terms with your past, so I figured I'd go to my roots."

"So you're here to tell me you hate me?" Mason asked, and Nicky shook his head.

"No, Phin, I'm not," he admitted, "I mean, I can't really hate you, you never did anything to me. I mean, mom liked you more, but she never liked me even back when I was on the only child, so it's not like you showing up changed anything. I don't hate you, but I came near close to it when you sent your boss after me."

"I didn't mean to do that," Mason said, and there was so much truth behind his words that Nicky believed him, "I swear, he just wanted extra help and I thought of you, thought maybe you'd want the money, we were a family back in there, thought maybe you'd want in."

Nicky shook his head, not caring that the prison was no doubt recording every word they were saying. "I wouldn't want in on that, Phin. I still don't."

"Thanks for not testifying," Mason mumbled with a sigh.

Nicky raised an eyebrow. "No one ever asked. 'Sides, I don't think they would've have the stomach to ask me to testify against my brother, everyone always thinks it's in poor taste. And I wouldn't have even through all of that."