LOUISIANA SKY (COMPLETE)

20. Lost

DALLAS POV

It took one second, one second for my eyes to meet hers. It took only one second for her to imprint her image into my brain, for her to become mine.

And in one second, she wasn't.

It's been almost a week since I last saw her and it killed me. What made it worse was that we lived in a small town. We were neighbors and I still did not run into her. I knew I didn't deserve to bump into her, I didn't deserve to smile at her or tell her hello.

But that didn't mean I didn't want to.

I had daydreams of knocking on her door, begging on my knees for forgiveness. I wanted to feel her soft lips on mine and tell her that she was my forever.

But I don't.

I don't do any of those things that my brain screams at me to do because I don't deserve to.

The fact that I was unworthy of her love wasn't news to me, I'd known it since before I even met her. But she brought something out of me, she pulled out a false sense of hope that maybe I could have a chance at happiness.

And then I fucked it up.

I fucked it up when I drank too much. I fucked it up when I drove my car. I fucked it up when I killed that innocent child.

I fucked it up when I walked up to her and said hello.

I walk into the diner and slide into my usual booth. Just as I get settled, Sam's already here.

"Dallas!", he pats me on the back before sitting down. "How've you been!?"

I want to answer honestly, but I don't. "Good", I say. He raises an eyebrow, unconvinced.

"You know, I may be old", he jokes. "But I've seen many faces in my lifetime to know yours is not one that's doing 'good'. So, spill it". He locks eyes with the waitress, signaling for two coffees.

There I go, playing with the sugar packets again. "I don't know", I say quietly. "There's no point in talking about it, it's a lost cause anyway".

"Well, if that's the case", Sam smiles. "Then there's no point in avoiding it either". Before I can say anything, the waitress drops off two mugs of hot coffee.

I reach for my mug only for Sam to pull it away. "Talk", he demands. I reluctantly nod. Satisfied, he pushes the mug towards me.

"I met a girl", I start, spinning my mug on the table:

He raises an eyebrow. "The one I met here the other day?"

I nod. "Long story short: I made the mistake of getting to know her, fell hopelessly in love, and it all went to shit when I told her about my past". I let out a deep sigh, trying to keep it together.

Sam sits quietly, listening and contemplating. "You told her everything?", he asks.

I nod.

"Wow", he says nonchalantly, taking a sip of his coffee. "I'm proud of you".

I give him a quizzical look. "Proud of me?", I scoff. "Sam, I screwed everything up. What's there to be proud of?"