Depression Of the Worst Degree

Isolation

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

The beating of my heart is the only sound I can hear. It is midnight and I'm alone, like always.

My breathing is slow and just focusing on it makes it incredibly more difficult to successfully accomplish. I struggle with every inhale. I sob with every exhale.

The spot beside me lays desolate. Unoccupied by any love or warmth. I exhale, and sob again.

I breathe in, taking multiple little gasps, and hold it for as long as I can. While holding my breath, all my thoughts numb momentarily. However, as soon as I exhale, the pain overwhelms me and I cry out again.

I turn onto my stomach, and squeeze my pillow as tightly as possible. My fists clench impression marks into it. My nails digging into it until they hurt. I release, and let out another sob.

How long will this last? I breathe in, trying to clear my mind. I need to go to sleep, but sleep seems increasingly elusive. I breathe out, and I punch my bed, trying to let all my emotions escape.

I just want someone beside me. I want to caress their face. I want to brush my hand through their hair. I want to cuddle close with them, and fall asleep to the sound of their breaths.

I breathe out, quaking with despair. All I want is to hear someone else's breath, but I'm forced to cry myself to sleep, listening to my pathetic strangled breathing.

My chest feels hollow and wounded, like someone stole my heart and crushed it underfoot. Somehow though, I still hear it's unnerving beat.

My breathing is now slow and quiet. So quiet that even my heart beats louder.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Everything is silent. The only company I will ever have, is the beating of my lonely heart.