Depression Of the Worst Degree

Gone

I'm sick. I'm fatigued. I'm broken.

I know my condition far to well. It's a disease without a vaccine. It grows like a tumor, without control or order. Not even the harshest of treatments can add another day to my life.

I'm dumb. I'm useless. I'm scarred.

The knives seep through the bars of my skull. This cell is out of date and can't protect me from what's within my heart. There are also other inmates in this prison, and there are no guards to protect me. Even my will has abandoned me.

I'm stuck. I'm derelict. I'm hidden.

I now know that the heroes are blind. Those who are drowning in air are avoided by the angels above, who are supposed to be watching. I'm bleeding profusely while the doctors bandage their pockets.

I'm hollow, I'm fake, I'm dead.

I'm void of my old thoughts and feelings. My brain holds nothing left but dread and disdain. I'm cold and without a beating heart. I'm empty of all those painful memories. I have no reason left to survive.

I'm weak, I'm petty, I'm pathetic.

I'm hooked up to the ventilator,
I can't breathe by myself no more.
I'm hooked up to the oscillator, but id rather bleed my eyes out before I have the chance to be healed.

I'm ugly, I'm pitiful, I'm alone.

All alone I sit in the forest as the wolves circle around me and laugh. My bloody bruised face and disheveled hair cracks the reflection in my puddle of tears. My very existence causes the forest to become darker and colder.

I'm masked, I'm glass, I'm pretend.

I'm a ghost destined to haunt the very ones I love. If I allow myself to be seen, the thin sheet of ice that is my skin would shatter. The thought of social warmth forces me to exclude myself farther. I must close the shutters and wrap myself tightly with my veil of deceit.

I'm pointless, I'm hopeless, I'm purposeless.

I'm the spare bolt without a screw. I dig a hole inside of me just to get to you. And all of the faces smiling at me are blurry. And all of the names in my head are foreign. If I was able to access the light, I would leave the shadow. Sadly the darkness must swallow me whole.

I'm gone.

I'm gone, now, there's nothing left. My body is ashes and my mind is dust. In my hearse I lie, in the Earth I reside. No light. No pain. No life.

I'm gone, now, there's nothing left.
No more worries or stories. No more helpless strides to try. I finally have accepted Death's lullaby.

I'm gone, so please fucking leave me alone! Isn't this what you wanted?! To finally be on your own?! I tried and cried, pleading you to listen! And you could only hear the thoughts in your head. You only cared about yourself, didn't you ever think of me?!
You killed yourself, and caused all of my fucking misery! And I would lie in hell with you, just to get it off of my mind! But unlike you, I know what I can't leave behind! Did I mean nothing, was I just a joke?! While you slipped away, I fell and choked! What does it matter, your already gone! Unlike every other day, this night can't have a dawn! Please don't do it! Please stay with me! Take all your pain, and I'll take it happily! Please just stay, I need you more now than ever! I need your breath, on my neck forever! Drop that knife! You better keep your life! If you want to lose, you better think twice! Why can't you see, what you've done to me?! I'm more fucked up then you would ever be! I know you too well, you would never do that, kid.

But you did...
And now you're gone...