I am an expert of getting jacked up so much, you look like you flex babies. After spending years on the mountain, Mount Everest, I have perfected the art of getting really buff. For example, whenever I flex my biceps, there's a bump that's around the size of an eraser. In fact, you will be so buff, you can erase pen with erasers!
Step 1: Get shorter. You may be thinking this is dumb, but the most jacked person I have ever met is also one of the shortest. I admire this man to the fullest, and believe that the reason he is so jacked is because he got all that protein put into his muscles, not his height. Tyler1 is also an amazing alpha male, yet he's so short, therefore proving my short to gains relativity theory. If you are 6 feet, you should reduce your height by either slouching, or walking on your knees. Many may say you look stupid, but they will look dumb once you have gains the size of my social life. Many people may tell me I have no friends, but that's cause they all get jealous of my GAINS.
Step 2: Eat at Mcdonalds everyday. If there's one thing I learned, it's that cows are really jacked up. So what you do, is you eat a bunch of burgers from Mcdonalds. Now, you may be thinking, why? Isn't it healthier to eat good foods, not fast food? Well, to that, I say write your own guide you beta male. After eating at Mcdonalds for a whole year, all that protein will go up to your brain and make you super smart, and you will realize you should stop eating at Mcdonalds because you gained 100 pounds since you started. This is when you go to step 3.
Step 3: Work out. Go to the gym every day and work out your muscles. After losing all the fat you got from Mcdonalds, you will look pretty skinny. When that happens, step up your game till your biceps are really jacked. Only focus on your biceps though, because they let you fight people. If you can't walk because your legs are too weak, work your biceps more so that you can use your arms to walk, not your legs. After all of this, you will be the ideal man, an epitome of beauty.
Step 4: Beat up the people you work at the gym with. After getting super buff in the biceps, choke hold the nearest dude next to you, even if its a child. But no women, we respect women. After defeating everyone at the gym, your next challenge awaits. The army will come after you and try to get you to go to jail. Just beat them up, and work on your legs in the meanwhile by kicking them. They may use bullets, which is fine, cause you can just use the nearest car as a shield. If you fail to pick up the car with your raw strength, you failed my guide, and you should go to step 5.
Step 5: My final step is to go to jail. There, you will work your gains more, maybe even your legs, instead of focusing on your biceps. After busting up the gym and getting super buff again, test your strength by beating up the entire prisons population and escape. After that, repeat step 4 until you stop going to jail. Congrats, you are now the ideal man.
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General FictionThis is a series of guides that will show you how to do various things, from getting a girlfriend, to performing first aid.
