SHAUN’S POV
I have the urge to do it again. It seems as soon as someone gets suspicious of my behaviour I feel worse. I have the need to make my situation worse.
I looked over at my desk in the corner of my room. I saw a pair of scissors amongst papers that were thrown everywhere. Maybe I could…
I got up from my bed and moved closer to my desk picking up my escape from reality. I can’t help it. Every time I see blades I just need to know what they’d feel like being dragged along my skin.
I ripped my sleeves up and immediately drove the blade along my already damaged skin. Blood spilled onto the carpet, but this was the only thing that eased my frustration. I slashed again and repeated on the other arm.
I rolled my sleeves back down not caring about washing the blood off right now. It was a black hoodie, no one would ever know. I had my back to the door so I didn’t see when my little brother, Luke, appeared in the doorway.
“Hey Shaun,” he greeted and I immediately turned around to face him, “I was wondering if I…”
He stopped talking and was staring at my hands. I knew there was blood falling down them to the carpet, I could feel it.
“What?” I questioned like I didn’t know what was happening.
“Blood…on your hands,” he answered.
“Oh, so there is,” I nervously laughed and made my way back to my bed.
“What…what happened?” he questioned.
“I really don’t know,” I lied.
I must sound ridiculous right now.
“Well roll your sleeves up,” he directed coming closer to me, “see where it’s coming from.”
I couldn’t have him find out what I was doing. He was so young…yet he was smart. I had to swallow my pride and…
“Listen!” I demanded loudly getting up off my bed and grabbing him by the shirt staining it with my blood, “you say anything about this to anyone and I’ll kill you!”
He looked so scared, but confused all at once. He didn’t know what self-harming was and I didn’t exactly want him to find out about it from what his brother was doing.
“You don’t talk about this ever!” I demanded again and lifted my other hand up revealing the blood that covered it, “I’ll do this to you if you say anything, ANYTHING!”
He just nodded nearly on the verge of tears. I almost regretted what I said, but I can’t have anyone find out about what I do when I’m alone. Even if that means scaring my brother to death…
“Now leave,” I said letting him out of my grasp, “And throw that shirt away unless you can come up with some story about how that’s not blood to mum.”
He nodded and ran off quickly. I feel terrible. How could I do that? He’s my little brother, I’m supposed to protect him. Not tell him that I’m going to kill him.
I was about to slam my door until Luke reappeared tears covering his delicate face. I almost felt like giving him a hug…almost.
“I know you’re upset, but you don’t have to hurt yourself like this,” he said his eyes staring into my soul.
I thought he’d have no idea about self-harm and all. He’s only twelve.
“Talk to mum or a doctor,” he pleaded, “just get help.”
I sighed and slowly started closing the door.
“Please,” he said wiping the tears from his face.
“Bye,” I replied as I closed the door completely.
He knows what I need, but the thing is I don’t want it. I’ll get help, but that won’t stop the bullying. I’ll fall back to my old ways and it’d be a recurring cycle.
I’m never getting help. I’m happy the way I am, even if that means lying to the people that mean most to me…
YOU ARE READING
I Bleed
FanfictionShaun starts getting bullied at school for being different. He decides to hide it from all his loved ones for the fear of being a failure in his friends' eyes. Will he be able to handle the constant teasing, or will he crumble like so many other tee...
