I Bleed

Epilogue

BRADIE’S POV

Well, it’s been a month since Shaun made the horrible decision to take his own life. I’m still learning to cope with it, as is everyone else. Andy and I are having counselling once a week along with Shaun’s mum and his brothers.

Andy blamed himself for everything the first few weeks. He said that he should’ve been there for Shaun and the fact that we arrived too late was all because of him. He wished he would’ve came with me straight away other than worrying that I was embarrassing him in front of his friends. I knew it wasn’t his fault. I’d never pin this on him.

Shaun’s younger brother, Luke, blamed himself as well. He found out about Shaun’s self-harming and didn’t say anything. Apparently he’s getting therapy because he keeps getting nightmares about what happened. He told me about a few of them, they’re really graphic, kind of like the scene was when I found my best friend. The poor kid is going through so much. I guess the upside is that their dad is involved in their life again. After their dad found out about what happened to his oldest son, he knew he had to see them regularly. He sees Luke and Liam every second weekend and they stay at his place. He wears one of Shaun’s guitar picks around his neck all the time. I knew his son’s death cut him deeply.

I did terribly for so long. I even contemplated repeating what Shaun did, to myself. I started cutting my wrists, attempting to hide it. But, Andy knew me to well and found out. I talked to him and my counsellor about it, afterwards I felt so much better. If only Shaun did this, he’d still be here…

I returned to school for the first time since it happened yesterday. Everyone was really apologetic and nice. I think the weirdest thing was that the leader of Shaun’s bullies came up to me, tears in his eyes, on his knees telling me how sorry he was. I’m a pretty nice guy, I accepted his apology. I may be able to forgive, but I’ll never forget, I told him that and he said that he’s switching schools. I’m sure he’ll become a better person. As for the other two, they’ve stayed right away from me so far.

Andy and I are thinking about replacing Shaun in the band. We’re still not sure about it. We may have only been a band for a short time and it could be easy to find someone else, but still, becoming a band was his idea. It doesn’t seem right.

I may have blamed myself for a few weeks, but now I’ve come to realise that Shaun was just on his own at a time of weakness. I couldn’t have done anything to stop it.

I’m not going to live in the past because as Shaun once told me… “If you try to recapture yesterday, you’ll only lose tomorrow.”

I live by that everyday.